Jaded Jeanne

The Bloghopping Moleskine Giveaway

2008-10-23T01:41:00.003+08:00

Avalon.ph is giving you the chance to win a free moleskine notebook every week. Details can be found here.

Been salivating over these notebooks for months. I REALLY WANT ONE!

If I get one, I'll probably use it to write down lists of things that I need to but will probably never do. harhar.

Check out the kickoff contest happening now at www.wifelysteps.com!

Goodbye, Love...

2008-07-31T07:13:00.028+08:00

Mark your calendars RENTheads. It's an end of an era indeed. After 12 years, RENT is closing. The final Broadway performance will be on September 7, 2008.

I'm really sad. RENT is My Musical. It's the musical that made me fall in love with musicals. I've loved it ever since that day, about 11 years ago, when I found the Broadway Cast album among a stack of CDs that my sister brought home from work. I listened to it once, and have never stopped measuring my life in love since.

I was thinking that the reason that I've never had the chance to see it live here whenever they did it was because I was meant to watch it there at Nederlander Theatre in NY but I guess I just have to accept that, along with most of my hopes and dreams, it's just not meant to be.

It isn't exactly impossible... All I need to go see it are the following:
$250 for the theater ticket
$2500 for airfare
Divine intervention from at least 2 out of the 3 members of the Holy Trinity to enable me to get both a passport and a 1-day US tourist visa in just 4 weeks.

Harhar! :p

I'm kind of hoping that one of the Filipino theater companies that have already done RENT might do a one-night-only performance or something for all the pinoy RENTheads.

As a tribute I'm going to make a ringer that I'm going to ask all of my friends to use until the 7th of September. I'll post a link where to download it when I'm done.

"To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing
The need to express, to communicate
To going against the grain, going insane, going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension
To starving for attention
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention, of course, hating dear-old mom and dad

To riding your bike midday past the 3-piece suits,
to fruits, to no absolutes
to Absolute! To choice! To the Village Voice!
To any passing fad!
To being an 'us' for once...
Instead of a 'them'!

La Vie Boheme!"

- La Vie Boheme, Disc 1-Track 23 from RENT: Original Broadway Cast Recording

Di Mo Lang Alam

2008-05-20T07:21:00.000+08:00

Jeanne is listening to Up Dharma Down's "Oo". Over and over.

Jeanne points an angry finger at no specific direction everytime she sings the line "sana'y di ka nalang pala aking nakilala".

Jeanne is aware that "Ghost" by the Indigo Girls is a much better song but she's saving that for when she feels this way over something that she is be proud of enough to not be cryptic about.

Jeanne will be moving on to listening to Ne-Yo's "Go on Girl" in a few hours.

Jeanne realizes that she should stop referring to herself in the third person because it's starting to get really annoying.

Amazing Race Boracay Part VI: "One last trip into trollville and then we're outta here!"

2008-05-20T06:02:00.000+08:00

After we got the money we went back to the ticketing office to find troll #1 back at his desk. Here we go again...

He pulls up my itinerary and I could feel his despair when he saw that the return flight had already been deleted which meant he couldn't do the exact same process the other agent [who knew what he was doing] did. I actually had to tell him that all he needed to do was add the new flights.

Troll #1: "Ano ho ulet yung booking class niyo?"

Me: "Booking classes for the return flights are on page 2 of the printout from your website..."

I pray to God that the reason he kept looking for it on the first page was because he didn't hear me....

Me: "Page 2. You have to turn the page in order to get to page 2."

Troll #1: "ayun. S class."

In my head: "Jesus, Mary, & Joseph... unang ticket palang ito!"

Anyway, after doing the exact same thing for joie's and millette's tickets and after deciding to just rebook melay's and karen's because they couldn't process their exchange and it would end up cheaper anyway, the ordeal was finally over. We rented a van to take us to Kalibo where we spent the night at this resort/hotel to wait for our flight the next day.

If this was the real amazing race, we would've been eliminated. Not just eliminated, we would've been one of those teams that were so far behind that they wouldn't even wait for us to finish the leg at all. But I am (I think we all are) incredibly proud to say that we didn't fight with each other throughout the whole thing. I'm always disgusted whenever I see friends start yelling at each other just because they're put in a high-stress situation. I know this wasn't a race for a million bucks or anything like that but still... people have ended up ruining friendships over much less. It's monumentally cool that the complications that we had to iron out didn't ruin our vacation. It just enabled us to have more fun. :p

Amazing Race Boracay Part V: "You will never convince me that any piece of plastic is as good as cash... not after today..."

2008-05-20T05:55:00.000+08:00

After pooling all our money, we realized that we were only short two thousand pesos. We asked the locals where we could find an ATM and they were very sure that the closest ones were back in Boracay. Melay and Joie had credit cards so we thought "Yeah!!! Problem solved!" but our hopes were dashed when we were told that they didn't have the machine that you swipe credit cards on. Gaaaah. I really don't understand how a place which is 30 minutes away from and actually contains the airport that people most often prefer to use in order to get to a major tourist destination, can NOT HAVE an ATM. If they have ATMs in Kalibo and they were able to find a way to connect those ATMs to the ATMs in Boracay [which is an island, you know, as in it's surrounded by water] why couldn't they find a way to put ATMs here? Did they think that it wasn't worthwhile?

Anyway, fortunately we had friends who were still in Boracay and they had access to those elusive ATMs. :p So we borrowed money from one friend and Muffee, who had a flight later than our original ones, was going to bring the money to us. Our friends were so wonderful that they decided to lend us a little more than what we asked for in case we needed to eat before the ones who had bank accounts were able to get to an ATM. They were even sweet enough to ask whether we were sure that the place we were going to stay at in Kalibo was nice enough and if it was possible for us to have fun there. We had a few hours to spare while waiting so we relaxed a little bit and had lunch. I was thinking that I hope that guy who was able to help us would still be there by the time we were ready to finally book our flights.

Amazing Race Boracay Part IV:

2008-05-20T05:26:00.001+08:00

"So this is how it feels like to be an irate customer..."[Mahaba ito pero pina-ikle ko na to. Mas mahaba pa dito yung actual na discussion namin.]

I asked him to show me how he came up with these figures, so he went back into the ticketing office. Fearing that it would take him another 45 minutes to get back to me, I followed him to see what the heck he was doing. I watched him try to re-compute the amount for one freaking ticket three times without being able to come up with same number twice.

Troll #1: "Ma'am kase hindi ho fixed yung prices ng ticket nagbabago po sila."

Me: "I know what "prices are not fixed" means. Thank you very much. But are you freaking kidding me? I saw you check the prices, they were the same every time."

So he tries to compute it again...

Me: "I'm just trying to understand how it's possible that I would be paying this much more when the base fare for the flight is lower than what I had before. Your math just doesn't make sense."

Troll #1: "Ma'am based po kase yun sa booking class niyo dati. Tingnan niyo po dito. Sabi pag nasa Y class..."

Me: "S class ang return ticket ko, hindi Y."

Troll #1: "Ay sorry po. Pag nasa S class... ganito po yung tax."

Me: "Okay. But I booked this ticket online myself. I saw the the amount that it charged for the taxes. It's almost the same as that. It's not two thousand pesos more, which is what it would need to be in order for you charge me this much to exchange my ticket."

then another idiot tries to help the poor guy out...

Troll #2: "ma'am hindi po kase kame nage-exchange ng ticket. Babayaran niyo po talaga lahat ulit."

Me: "What! Are you telling me that it's not possible for me to use the money that I've already spent on this ticket towards purchasing a new one?"

Troll #2: "Opo."

Me: "Eh bakit may rebooking penalty pa kayo kung ganun? Sinong pipili na magbabayad nung rebooking penalty kung babayaran din pala lahat anyway?"

Troll #2: "Kaya nga po mas maganda na gumawa nalang ng bagong booking para hindi na kayo magbabayad nung rebooking penalty. Yung no-show fee nalang. Tapos refund nalang po yung hindi nagamit."

Me: "Listen, I read your fare rules. And it says nothing about what you're telling me right now. It say's here that flight changes are allowed with the payment of applicable fees and any fare difference. Bakit kailangan pang i-state yung fare difference part kung hindi niyo rin isu-subtract yung dati ko ng binayaran?"

Troll #2: "Eh ganun po talaga kase."

After this I texted Melay saying "hindi marunong umintindi ng tagalog tong mga to."

Me: "Eh di lawyer na kailangan ko dito? Kase fare rules are there for a reason. Hindi ba para siyang terms ng contract. It's supposed to tell me what I can and cannot do with the ticket. I was actually pleasantly surprised that it said that you allow flight changes and that the tickets were refundable even though your fares are cheaper than PAL's. I was expecting your rules to be much more restrictive because your airline is trying to make flying cheaper. That made me quite happy that I was flying using your airline.

Now, based on what you're telling me, it seems that everything that's written here is nothing but a hoax or worse, that I misinterpreted them in some way. That's deeply disturbing for me because I used to explain these rules to other people for a living. I used to exchange tickets, for different airlines, based solely on how I understood their fare rules. Now you're telling me that if I had exchanged these tickets based on what I've read that I'd be getting a memo because I was an idiot who couldn't understand plain and simple English."

Troll #2: "ma'am kayo po bahala. choice niyo po yan."

At this point my Melay walks into the ticketing office. I was ecstatic. Finally, another human being, someone I can talk to. My head was about to explode trying to explain things to the trolls that I've been dealing with.

Me: "Melay... Do you know what they're telling me now? Wala daw kwenta tong mga tickets natin..." blah... blah... blah.

After I finished making 'sumbong' to Melay [Sorry. Saying "telling on them" just doesn't produce the same mental picture as saying "sinumbong ko sila kay Melay." :p], their supervisor finally approached us and asked "Ano po ba ang problema?"

Melay told her what was going on. The supervisor explained that it was the system itself that was going to compute how much we needed to pay. I told her that that wasn't what her agent was doing. He was getting prices for new tickets and then doing some sort of magical mathematical procedures on it to get what he was quoting us. She then tried to explain again that the system was new and it was responsible for computing charges. Instead of getting into a game of "how many ways can you say the exact same thing using different sentence constructions?" with this person, I just asked the agent to do the procedure that she was describing. And guess what? He didn't know how to do it. Hehehe. Another person, who seemed to be off-duty, had to step in and do it for him.

While working with the only competent Cebu Pacific employee in Caticlan [too bad I was too stressed to remember to get his name, we didn't forget to thank him though] we were able to finish getting accurate and mathematically verifiable price quotes for all 5 tickets in less than 10 minutes. Now the only problem was whether we had enough money.

Amazing Race Boracay Part III: Sh#tm@th$rf!ck*ngf+cksh^t!

2008-05-20T05:21:00.000+08:00

You've never had a shitmotherfuckingshit moment until you've been denied check-in for your flight when your traveling using an airline that does not allow you to do same-day standbys for free, thereby, forcing you to have to deal with people whose incompetence are on a higher level than what you might have thought was possible.

It was the day we were supposed to fly back to manila. We arrived at Caticlan airport to find that our check-in counter had already closed. It was obvious from what the agent at the check-in counter was saying that there was nothing she could or would do to help us so we went to their ticketing office instead to check what our options were. They gave us one, we go on standby for other flights that day but we have to pay for the fare difference + penalties. We asked them to compute how much we would have to pay and after adding up everything, it amounted to... well... a lot. It's was the amount of cash that you can't reasonably ask people who are on their way home from a vacation to still have in their pockets. Anyway, that obviously wasn't going to work so we put our heads together and came up with booking a monday flight from Kalibo to Manila because that was bound to be much cheaper.

After checking for available flights and finding that there were flights with base fares (not including taxes and surcharges) that were much much lower than what we paid for for our original return tickets, I asked their ticketing agent to compute how much it would be. After 45 minutes, he showed me what he came up with and I was shocked. It was even more expensive. Oh my God, he doesn't know what he's doing. Shitmotherfuckingshit!

Amazing Race Boracay Part II:

2008-05-20T05:16:00.001+08:00

"You may not be allowed to drive while you're drunk but you can still attempt to rescue people trapped under tents and shoot some hoops."

It was around 10:00pm on our last night in Bora. Melay, Muffee, and I were really drunk because we had been drinking since the start of happy hour. I think each of us had had a quarter of a case of beer. When friends who had opted to rest instead of getting drunk after island hopping finally decided to join us, we thought that a quick dip in the water might sober us up a bit.

We sat where the water was shallow(i think the water would barely reach our ankles if we stood up), because we were 'happy drunk" not "suicidal drunk", and just let the waves roll over us while we talked. A few minutes later, there was this unusually strong gust of wind that caused these three huge tents on the beach to blow over (one after the other). When we saw that, I think it was Muffee who said, "May tao kaya dun? Tulungan natin." so we stood up and sprinted to where the tents had fallen. By the time we reached the tents, I was so dizzy that all I can see were these gray blobs which I'm assuming were people trying to put the tents back up. I just heard Melay say that there were no people trapped under the tents so we headed back into the water.

When we got back to our friends, happy hour was over but we still had enough energy so we left the bar and went to play basketball where I saw the funniest free-throw shooting I've ever seen. After basketball, the grandmas went to bed while Melay and I looked for a place where we could eat and have coffee.

Amazing Race Boracay Part I: "The sign was THIS BIG, you moron!"

2008-05-17T05:48:00.002+08:00

About a week ago, my friends and I went to Boracay. We had sooo much fun and the pictures that people have yet to upload [People! Upload the pictures na... pretty puhleeease...] will show that. However, there were several interesting portions of the trip that we weren't able to capture on film...

Karen, Melay, and I were supposed to take a cab from Pasig all the way to the airport. But when we found ourselves still stuck in traffic along Shaw at 11:00 when our flight was scheduled to depart at 12:10, we decided to get on the MRT instead, get off at Magallañes station and then just get a cab there to go to the airport.

We had a hard time getting a cab at Magallañes so when we met this man who was also headed for the airport, we struck a deal with him that if either of us found a cab, that we would just share it so we can all make our flights.

While in the cab we started interviewing our new friend. We asked where he was headed, what time his flight was leaving, which airport terminal was he leaving from, etc. Everything was going fine until we reached a fork at this overpass or flyover. The cabbie asks us "Airport po ba tayo?" ("are we going to the airport?"). We all say "Yes!"[In our heads we were all saying, "DUH!!! Weren't we all just talking about our flights?"], he stops for a few seconds in front of this HUGE green sign that said AIRPORT with an arrow pointing to the left, then turns right. Ehehe.

It was 11:15 and there we were, stuck in traffic again and headed in the wrong direction with no u-turn slot in sight. In our desperation, we risked life and limb crossing Osmeña highway so that we could then get another cab on the other side.

After finally being able to check-in, our airline informed us that our flight was delayed and won't be boarding till 12:50. Harhar.

"Passion-Suckers"

2008-05-04T05:37:00.006+08:00

Been reading some of my past posts lately. It's kind of fun reading about the things that were of such a great concern for me that I actually had to write about them.

I used to blog a lot. There was a 6-month period there about 2 years ago when I would post something new almost everyday. Now I'm reduced to blogging about my blog. Bleeeccch... How pathetic is that? What the fuck happened to the life that I used to find so interesting?

My theory is that being in "actual official relationships" have a way of sucking the passion out of me. Every time I'm in one of those things, I get lost in a snowstorm and instead of trying to find my way out, I dig a hole in the ground and just hibernate until it's over. Which is really silly because, as far as I know, humans are incapable of hibernating. Bears, frogs, and a lot of other animals do that but humans don't. And why the heck did I come up with a snowstorm metaphor anyway? Like I've ever been in one before?!? I've obviously been watching too much Discovery Channel lately. Ehehe. Anyway, where was I? Oh, passion-sucking relationships, right.

Some may argue that I've been in relationships with the wrong people. The thing is, I've always been lucky enough to find myself with people who seem right because they are sooo "good-on-paper". None of them were just "experimenting" and none of them were what you would consider high-maintenance. They weren't psychos(at least not while they were with me) and they didn't make me go psychotic either. But then again maybe that's the problem.

So now, I resolve to never get into another one of those silly things again unless I'm absolutely certain that I feel the overwhelming desire to be in there. If I have any doubts at all, then I'll just walk away. Problem is that based on the data I've gathered so far, I KNOW that if I like anybody that much, then there's a 99.99% probability that I won't stand a chance in hell with them. [If you know me well enough, then you probably know what I'm talking about*. If you don't then first, "Why they hell are you reading this?!? You are in dire need of a hobby if you're wasting your time on this!" and second, if you want proof, discussing how I came up with the 99.99% probability thing will take a while and I'm not in the mood to get into that right now because I'm too sleepy and I'm a little bummed because I've just been ignored by one of those people that I could possibly like enough to make me choose frostbite and hypothermia over hole-digging.] Isn't knowing that automatic cause for doubt? So does this mean I'm supposed to walk away from everyone?

Oh well, at least I'm wide awake now. The snowstorm's over and I'm headed to the beach. Yippee! :p

*compare Nice and everyone else that I've ever really really liked to a girl whose name starts with a letter E.

It Sucks to be Broke and Unemployed and Turning 26 but at least I...

2007-09-27T00:37:00.000+08:00

Finally got to see Avenue Q last Sunday. It was fabulous. Worth every freaking penny. Though I have to admit that I was a bit biased to loving it since I've loved the play ever since I first heard the original cast recording a little over a year ago. The cast album has never left my iPod. I never get tired of listening to it. I recently went back to college and while I was waiting in line to get registered for classes, I was listening to "I Wish I Could Go Back to College" and whenever my day becomes particularly shitty, I listen to "For Now" and I end up feeling better. But the show really was amazing. Everyone did a great job. I fell in love with Trekkie. I find him to be a very lovable pervert. harhar.

Watching Avenue Q reminded me why I love watching plays over watching movies. It just feels different like it's more personal or something. I don't really know how to explain it but it's just... better. I just love how things work in theater. There's certainly a lesser chance of you having to put up with the same shit that you have to put up with all the time when you watch movies. Nobody kicked my seat, did not hear a single cellphone ring, didn't even see people checking their phones during the show. They were all busy watching.

They're going to do the show again in December and I'm going to see it again. I probably have the whole thing memorized but I don't care. I'm watching it again if only to show that there is a market for theater here so that they'll have shows more often.

Of course, if they do have shows more often, I'll probably have to skip lunch once in a while, live with not having cellphone credits, and only go out every other month in order to be able to buy tickets because theater tickets don't exactly come cheap . After all, I am but a mere student now and all I have is my allowance but that's fine. I figure it's best that I start doing things that I love doing because...

"Each time you smile, it'll only last a while
life may be scary, but it's only temporary...
Everything in life is only for now"

Un-Wired

2007-08-18T02:13:00.000+08:00

I finally figured out how to connect the mac to the internet using 3G. Of course it's a lot slower than what I'm used to but it may just be due to my location having a bad signal or something. I just think it's cool that I can have internet wherever I go now. Wherever... as long as I have a cellphone signal and there is either 3G or a GPRS signal. Like I said, it may be slower but its better than not having internet at all. I guess it'll do until all of the establishments I hang out at get a clue that internet access is almost a necessity now and make their WiFi available for free instead of charging people 100 php for just one hour of usage. It'll also give me some sort of backup for when Smart Broke acts up and decides to not work. I'm posting on this blog using it right now.

You can click these links for tutorials on how to connect your mac using 3G:

Smart [3G | GPRS]

Globe [3G/GPRS] : this one's a tutorial on connecting Cingular GPRS to a mac but it's applicable to Globe GPRS too. You just have to choose the correct settings for Globe. I tried using my mom's postpaid line and it worked but I haven't been able to make it work for a prepaid line. I'll make a tutorial when I figure out how to do it. Although, I don't think that anyone would be interested in using it because Globe charges you 0.25 cents per Kb which is scary as opposed to Smart's 10 Php every 30 minutes.

Back to Future

2007-05-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

We were in a cab along Edsa on our way to Greenbelt to watch the new Pirates movie when we saw this car. Normally, I'd be sleeping the whole time because sitting in the back seat make me nauseous but when I saw this car, I just had to take a picture. It kind of looks like the "Flying Delorean" from the Back to the Future movies.

Wonder how much SuperGlue he/she used...

Made with Mac (Finally...)

2007-03-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

Finally got a Mac a few weeks ago. Geesh. I thought it was never going to happen. I was afraid that I was setting myself up for a big let-down by doing all that research and then finding out that it was just too expensive but the minute that I was on the way to the cashier carrying that stack of 500-peso bills, I knew that I was finally going to get what I wanted. Yipee!!! Jaded Jeanne is now made with Mac. Cool.

I do feel a little guilty about spending that much money on something but I know now that this was worth every penny. Like I told my mom, Macs are just made better. They’re easier to handle. I had a much harder time when I was learning how to use my desktop than learning how to use this Mac. I suppose the PC knowledge helped a little bit. At least I had an idea of what terms like “volumes”, “boot drives”, “partitions”, etc. mean so reading on-line manuals wasn’t difficult at all but I really do feel that Macky (I’m not very creative when it comes to coming up with names. It’s a “Mac” so I gave it the name “Macky”, which, my McMonkey insists, is short for Macario. Hehe.) has given me less grief. And It isn’t that my PC experience was at all that bad. I’ve never really had any major problems with spyware or viruses. The Mac’s just a lot easier to deal with.

He’s certainly faster that any PC that I’ve ever used before. I can run LimeWire while I’m converting video and even have iTunes running at the same time. I suppose you can buy a really souped-up laptop that would perform at the same level but it’d be more expensive.

I was a little worried about not being able to use the software that I’ve gotten used to using over the years but I can even install Windows XP on this if I wanted to. That’s actually what sold me on the idea of getting a Mac but I don’t think I really need to do that anymore because I found a lot of free and legal software on the net that would let me do the things that I want to do so I don’t really need the old software anymore.

Anyway, for anyone out there who’s thinking of switching, I suggest that you go for it because the transition will be a lot less painful that you are probably imagining. The best place to get a Mac in Metro Manila is Ynzal Marketing. They have the best deals for Mac systems and they even do trade-ins.

*Update(as if anybody cares...): We renamed the mac. It's now a she and is called Carrie.

Cabbie Comedy

2006-11-12T03:16:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I had to pick up my friend, T, from her house in Mandaluyong so that we could bring her PC tower to a house in Q.C. so that I could (or at least try to) fix it there. The tower was quite heavy and it was raining so we decided to take a cab.

We hailed a cab about a block from her house and told the cabbie to take us to UP Village. After we got in, the cabbie asked us which route we should take. We told him to take the EDSA - East Ave. - Heart Center route. He nodded and then said... "Paki turo nalang yung daan papuntang EDSA". T and I looked at each other and I'm guessing that in our minds, we were saying the same thing -- "Shit. This is going to be one of those cab rides. May the lord give us enough self-restraint to not bitch-slap this cab driver until he cries out for his mommy".

In case someone out there is reading this and is surprised by our reaction, consider this: EDSA to most Filipinos is what the North Star was or still is to sailors (I figure they use GPS gadgets now but they may still need to use the stars in case these gadgets break down). When people get lost in Metro Manila, the easiest way to become "un-lost" is to get to EDSA because from there you can pretty much get anywhere in a variety of ways. So, for a cab driver to not know where EDSA is, is really irritating because it pretty much means that you have an idiot driving the car and you'll end up having to guide him on every turn he has to make to get to where you need to go the whole time instead of just relaxing, which is the reason why most people take cabs anyway. And it wasn't like we were coming from somewhere in the middle of Malate where he would have to deal with one-way streets, it was BONI Ave. You could actually walk from there and get to EDSA in 10 minutes.

Anyway, T took care of guiding him on how to get to EDSA. While we were on EDSA, we got to sit back and chat because it would be a little while before we would need to tell him to make a right on East Ave. A few meters after we passed Aurora blvd., the driver pulled over and asked to us to just take another cab. I was pissed. I told him that he should have just refused to take us so we could have taken a different cab. I was about to demand that he subtract the extra 30 pesos that we would have to spend if we changed cabs off the fare when T asked him why we need to change cabs.

T: Bakit po ba manong? Eh konti nalang nasa East Ave na tayo.

Cabbie: Lipat nalang po kayo. Kase #$#%#%... #$#%#%#...

ME: Huh?

Cabbie: #$#%#%... #$#%#%#...

ME: Ano ho?

Cabbie: #$#%#%... #$#%#%#...

ME: (Irritated as hell) Lakasan niyo kaya kase hindi ko kayo maintindihan.

Cabbie: #$#%#%... #$#%#%#...

ME: (looking at T) Ano daw? Naiintindihan mo ba?

T: (Shakes her head)

ME: (To the driver) Ano ulet?

Cabbie: #$#%#%... #$#%#%#...

ME: Ano? Lakasan mo nga eh kase hindi kita marinig!!!

Cabbie: Masakit kase paa ko.

ME & T: (Laugh our guts out).

Whether You Fall

2006-08-17T13:24:00.000+08:00

Whether it's the sunshine, whether it's the rain
Doesn't make a difference 'til you complain
Whether it's the water coming in from the roof
Does it piss you off that you're not water proof?

Whether you fall means nothing at all
It's whether you get up, it's whether you get up.

And you hate the silence as it fills up the room
And there's not much to say to your blushing groom
Maybe all eyes are on you as you finish the race
And the world sees you struggling for last place

Whether you fall means nothing at all
It's whether you get up, whether you get up.

- Tracy Bonham

So true. :p

All Work and No Play

2006-04-24T14:18:00.000+08:00

My long weekend was cut a bit short. Actually it kind of turned into a normal 2 day rest from work as opposed to the 4 day break that I was expecting. My former M.T. teacher happens to be the H.R. director for this other transcription company and they needed a little help so he asked me to come and do some files for them last Saturday and, surprisingly, I actually went and what's even more unbelievable is that I got there on time. Can you imagine? I got my ass out off bed at 630am on a Saturday and was actually were I was supposed to be a good 15 mins. before I was supposed to show up for something! Me thinks times are a-changin'...

When I was working at call centers, I was extremely opposed to working on all my rest days. Even it was just for some re-training thing that they were doing - which sort of means that they were paying me double to listen to someone talk and try very hard not to fall asleep but I didn't care. Rest days were rest days. If you wanna train me, train me during regular business days. My time is not worth merely double what you normally pay me is what I'd always say. It isn't that I always had better things to do, it's just working in a call center, especially if you do customer service, is such a high stress thing that If don't get my full 48 hours of down-time, by the middle of the week I find myself having to resist the urge to start throwing people out of open windows.

And yet there I was last Saturday. I could've blown the thing off but I chose to do it. I just felt like earning a little (as in very little, I tell you) something extra on the side instead of lying in bed watching bad T.V. all day. I even ended up sort of volunteering for to do more work on Sunday and even offered to do some of the files at home.

Gosh... am I starting to become responsible? Yucch!!! Shoot me now. hehe. But then again I suppose it is about time. I am not getting any younger (I glanced at my face's reflection on a jeepney's side mirror today and I think I actually saw where my wrinkles were going to show up... eventually). I'm just surprised at how growing up has become so "non-painful" for me.

Long Weekend

2006-04-20T19:09:00.000+08:00

I started my OJT 3 days ago. This morning the girl in charge, whose name I do not know (what's new?), pulled me into the pantry and sheepishly told me that they would have to pull the OJTs out for a couple of days because they did not have enough computer stations. Apparently, she thought that we would all be upset by this because instead of just telling me and the other OJTs outright that the soonest possible time for the OJTs to come back is Monday, she went and did this whole thing about explaining computer networks, how they work, how viruses get into a computer and how they spread and how sorry they are for the inconvenience that this is causing us when the whole time, I was just hoping that this meant that I could go home earlier than usual today and not have to be back until next week.

After a few more minutes she finally finished her speech and said that we could all go home. Within 2 minutes I was out the door headed to the FX stop 3 blocks away from the office.

While I was walking only one thought was going through my mind - I've only been doing this pseudo-job for 3 days and I've already been given a long weekend... I think I've found what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.

March 2005 - March 2006

2006-03-20T15:54:00.000+08:00

I've heard that it is quite a common practice for some people to take a year off from everything after they finish college or whenever they find themselves stuck on career paths that they don't want to be in. It is the year where one is supposed to find himself, realize what he wants to be or get the inspiration to write the next great American novel.

And so I thought "hmm... what a great idea!". Heck I'm at a place where I don't want to be. I am so sick and tired of being in a job where I am guaranteed to have at least one argument a day with some idiot who can't or more appropriately… "won't" understand plain and simple English . So I did it. I took my one year sabbatical.

My "year" started near the end of March 2005. I stopped trying to look for a job, stopped telling my mom that I was in the process of looking for a job, stopped being in a relationship... Basically, got out of every commitment that I had and decided that I was going to just chill for a while and have a blast.

Now, it's already mid March of 2006 and my year is almost over. I'm about to start looking for a job again since I just finished this medical transcription course that I took and although I don't exactly think that I've even come close to finding my life's purpose I did realize a few interesting things. Let me see...

1. Mice can jump up to a distance twice their body's length.

2. Cats multiply through sound.
I've never seen cats doin' it. I've seen dogs do it; I've even seen flies doing it but cats... never. I've seen male cats attempting to hump female cats but those poor male cats just always end up getting screamed at and scratched up and nothing "good" ever happens but I see new kittens around the house every year.

3. Roaches collect their dead.
I have a friend who sets half-dead roaches on fire for fun. Why she does it, I have no idea but I once watched her do it. After she was done roasting this one cockroach, she left for a little bit to get some more alcohol to use on other roaches that might come along and while she was gone 2 other roaches came out of this hole in the wall. One of the roaches started freaking out (It was moving its wings as if it was trying to fly of the ground) while the other grabbed onto the dead roach and was trying to pull it towards the hole in the wall. At this point my friend came back saw the other two roaches and caught the two other roaches and proceeded to set them on fire.

4. This 1 year self actualization thing should only be attempted by people who have parents who are filthy rich.
Coz if you have rich parents to mooch off of then you can go out and travel and stuff but if you're like me and your parents don't exactly have the means to send you backpacking through Europe, you'll end up being stuck at home most of the time so instead of observing the human race to get some insight you end up observing mice and roaches do whatever it is that they do.

5. ... that no matter how perfect you think the person that you are gushing over is... there is someone out there who's MUCH BETTER in EVERY SINGLE WAY that is important.

6. If you put a chalk in someone's hand and he or she will write on any surface available.
My mom started teaching recently and she made the mistake of leaving a stick of chalk lying around the house. When she got home that night she was greeted by a note on our front door that said: "Ma, may nahanap akong chalk. hehe. : p (Ma, I found some chalk. hehe)” I am not making this up. That note is still on our door and I would take a picture but I don't have a digital camera. I considered scanning the door but my scanner isn't one of those cool handheld scanners that you see spies use in movies and taking the door off its hinges would be a bit of a hassle.

7. Uma Khouny is straight. (?)

8. Rustom Padilla is gay. (Duh???)

9. Natalie Portman said it's possible the she may be gay. (Yahoo!!! as if... mwehehe :p )
Rolling Stone (USA)
[On being asked if she may be gay]
Natalie Portman: "Sure. I've never dated a woman or anything like that, but, I mean, I think it's much more the person that you fall in love with – and why would you close yourself off to fifty percent of the people?"

State of Utmost Confusion

2006-03-02T01:55:00.000+08:00

The president issued another televised announcement saying that she will be willing to lift the state of emergency proclamation in 3 days if and only if certain conditions are met...

This guy who keeps on speaking very "makata"-like tagalog began preaching again. Saying something to the effect of it really was not necessary to declare a state of national emergency. Not necessary? Does he mean no one was really trying to overthrow the government...

Aimee Marcos speaks up: "Madame President; you're a second-rate, trying-hard, copycat... of my dad".

A president who has the audacity to appear on T.V. and speak in such a manner that sounds as if she's holding an entire country hostage; a deaf, blind, but most definitely NOT MUTE house senior deputy majority floor leader; and the daughter of a dictator who's using lines from a Sharon Cuneta movie to comment on national issues...

I can only say 2 things:

1. Mwehehehe :P
2. Ms. Marcos, I suggest that you practice with some Gladys Reyes "Mara Clara" lines first before you take on Madame Cheri Gil herself (I would've wanted to say that you could practice on "Amor Powers" because she's relatively more recent but you're not that advanced). It takes a certain level of expertise to deliver that particular line with the "umph" that it deserves and you don't have it... as of yet...

State of Confusion

2006-02-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

I find myself with totally nothing to do these days. I've run out of interesting things to read on the internet so I used this opportunity to catch up on the things that are going on. Apparently last Friday the president declared us to be under a state of emergency. I was asleep so I didn't know that until now. Funny thing is nobody at home even bothered to wake me up to tell me. My mom, the queen of freaking out in my universe, just shrugged it off when I asked her about it. Hmmm... Strange... I was expecting her to give us a lecture on not staying out late but we've had none of that. I've received no texts messages from my friends about this situation at all... as in zero...

In one of the articles I read a politician was saying that all of us Filipinos should put placards in front of our houses or use our blogs to tell the President that we vehemently oppose this declaration.

I'd love to do that sir but unfortunately, I don't exactly know what to make of any of this. I mean, this whole situation sucks cause I'm sure that it's just gonna do wonders for our economy but if it stops the incessant whining even for just 5 minutes, I'll take it.

Ok. Lets say you guys are successful in overthrowing Arroyo's presidency, what then? Who's gonna take over? Well, I'm sure that whoever's lucky enough to end up with the job, it's gonna take you a maximum of 1 month to find some dirt on that person too and this whole thing begins again. It just seems to me that ALL of you want to be president so you're never gonna be happy unless the person staying in Malacañang is you. And if that parliamentary thing pushes through, I'm sure it's gonna be hilarious. I can see it now... Every year there's gonna be a vote of "no confidence" thrown at the prime minister, so every year we're gonna have a different prime minister.

I just think it's about that you guys just shut up and put up... Yes, I know it's a bad thing that we have a president who's not exactly perfect but who is... You... I don't think so...

I think it's interesting to see that people aren't freaking out about this declaration after all these years of resisting any type of charter change for fear of another "martial law". Coz this whole thing sounds a lot like martial law to me.

Outbreak?

2006-02-24T10:41:00.000+08:00

Last night I had a couple of drinks with Ms. (Usually) Sensible.

Ms. (Usually) Sensible is suffering of pseudo-happiness at the moment, a condition which, I find, somewhat diminishes the usualness of her sensibility. I empathize with her completely, of course. After all, I just recently recovered from a similar disease though I just have to say that I'm not exactly ecstatic about the fact that my illness did nothing to dampen my cynicism. If anything, I think it only intensified it.

We sat there at same table where I could very well have contracted the things that caused the necessity for me to undergo treatment. hehe. I listened to my friend rant and rave and I thought to myself: "I am sooo glad that I've been cured." Though I'm very happy for her, I'm glad that I'm not in her situation right now.

But I only hope for the best for you, my dear friend and I have all the time in the world to devote to "being there" for you and listen to whatever crazy things you have to say because I have no intention whatsoever of "being there" for her.

Prophet Protests

2006-02-17T11:40:00.000+08:00

These events came about...

Because of This:

A few days ago I saw part of a news report about a protest that happened in Makati in front of P.B. Com Tower. The protest was about the caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad that were published by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten in September of last year.

I was waiting for them to show the actual drawings that caused the protest but they didn't. The next day I looked through the newspapers that my dad bought. I found articles about the protest but didn't see the drawings there either. I thought this was extremely weird. Why would they report about something and not show what caused it?

I got curious so I went on the internet coz I figured that maybe American news websites would have the cartoons but the said images were surprisingly hard to find. Usually when a story is this big, you get to see it from the first result that Google gives you. Like when that Janet Jackson Superbowl thing happened a few years ago, I was able to see a video of that and all I had to type in Google was Janet Jackson without even using quotes. Anyway, most of the results that the first of my searches gave me were just articles about what was happening around the world as a reaction to these cartoons and I figured out why these pictures were a little bit hard to find.

I get what the protests are all about. I’d be upset too if something I believed in so dearly was being equated to terrorism. I even somewhat welcome the one that occurred in Makati because no one got hurt there. This was the first rally that I heard about that I wasn’t rolling my eyes at. Gosh, finally, something other than “Hello Garci”. Sure as hell makes more sense than the “Stampede sa Ultra Kasalan ni Gloria” thing. What I don’t get is why did the whole of Denmark become the target? Wasn’t it just a single newspaper that initially published the cartoons? I mean, ok, do the protests (minus the violence, of course) and send out the message that it was extremely insensitive and disrespectful for that newpaper to publish those pictures but to call for a boycott of ALL Danish products just seems a bit excessive.

Here’s a scary question: How come our newspapers aren’t showing the cartoons when it’s causing all of this hoopla? Think about this: Religions are criticized all the time. Why are we walking on eggshells when it comes to Islam?

How come I can watch a play called “Jesus Christ Superstar”, where there is a suggestion of a “wink-wink” thing going on between Jesus (you know Jesus Christ? As in the Son of God Himself, not just a prophet) and Mary Magdalene (there’s also a movie that has sort of the same thing going on called The Last Temptation of Christ) or go to video city and rent a copy of the movie DOGMA for just 17Php but to this day, I haven’t seen a single Newspaper nor any prominent news outfits here in the Philippines re-print the cartoons when it is so relevant in presenting the story of the reactions that it has induced around the world? How come that in other parts of the World some people have referred to the publishing of a picture of Muhammad sporting a bomb-shaped turban as a “hate crime” when we all have heard the terrorists say that they can bear the thought of innocent children dying from one of their bombs because they are doing it in the service Allah (this isn’t to say that I believe them nor do I think that they even know what the heck they’re talking about).

To me it just seems like these terrorists are somewhat succeeding in what they are trying to do. They have gotten us scared. Like I said religions are criticized all the time, some are even made fun of. So why all the attempts to make nice and be “sensitive” to Islamic sentiments about their religion being linked to terrorism? Maybe it’s because you can put a plastic crucifix in a vat of your urine and photograph it and say “it’s art” and not even get excommunicated but you can die from being involved in the publishing of a book. I’m sorry I don’t believe that any of this is really about Islam but the terrorists are the ones making it sound like it is every time they scream that what they are doing is Jihad.

I think this quote from an article I found pretty much sums up my sentiments about this ugly situation:

“While all the world’s major religions -- Judaism, Christianity, Catholicism, and Hinduism – shoulder responsibility for fueling extremist factions spewing hatred, violence and intolerance, Muslims do need to drop the victimization act and realize that just as they condemn and judge others with impunity, so too must they learn to cope with being subject to criticism.

Until people stop, in Allah's name, stoning women to death, killing homosexuals, cutting the hands off children stealing food to survive, flying passenger planes into skyscrapers, car-bombing innocent people, forcing their religious convictions onto others, and other such atrocities, and until Muslims loudly and clearly reject and condemn the violence perpetrated by those who have hijacked and perverted their religion, the likelihood of cartoonists depicting Muhammad as a gentle, olive-branch carrying dove is not particularly high.”

--taken from an article on annoy.com

All this hate is getting all of us nowhere. Such a shame that after millions of years of evolution that we still have not come up with a better way to solve disagreements than "my stick is bigger that yours."

Some articles the you might find interesting:

The Story Behind The Drawings
The Editor and The 12 Cartoons
The Muhammad Drawings
Holocaust Cartoon Contest In Iran

protest photos are from foxnews.com and Michelle Malkin

Back From Batanes

2006-02-14T17:47:00.000+08:00

I'm back from Batanes. Dude, if your flight was delayed, I had to take a non-air conditioned, suspension-busted-from-lack-of-maintenance bus to get back here. Oh and I even had to sit at the back of that stupid bus cause I arrived late because I was trying so hard not to leave Batanes. Translation: my trip was mainit, matagtag, at nakakasuka (hot, bumpy, and puke-inducing).

For the past few weeks I've been having a theme thing goin’ here. As a grand finale I'm gonna write about the things I said that I couldn't write about before.

The story itself doesn't matter. It's the same thing that seems to happen to me time and time again. What's interesting is how I'm reacting to the fact that I am, most definitely, back in Manila. Three years ago, when I was in sort of the same situation, I locked myself up in my room, picked up a guitar and tried desperately to play that song "So Much In Love" by Sheena Easton but failed to finish the damn song even once because I kept on bursting into tears whenever it was time to sing the chorus. It would always go like this: I'd be singing "... I know that it's too late for me... the o... (Silence and then...) waaaah...huhuhu... So pathetic, I know but that was what kept on happening. But now, I don't even feel sad. To be perfectly honest, when I found out about and accepted it, what I felt was relief. All that went through my mind was "Great! Looks like she's gonna be with someone soon and he seems like a nice enough guy... w/c means... I can give up now." I think I even smiled.

I guess I just feel that sadness just isn't a proportionate reaction to what happened and crying while singing would just be overly dramatic. Come to think of it I can't really say "the only love I've ever wanted" because I know, for a fact, that this was NOT "THE ONLY" love I ever wanted because there was one (or two… hehe) before it. And even if I wanted to sing about this, I wouldn't be able to because nobody writes songs about situations as non-remarkable as this. This isn’t to say that it was totally meaningless, I mean, she did almost make me get off my ass and try to take some form of action but I just don’t think my continued presence in that life is at all necessary. In the greater scheme of things, the difference that I made was but a mere blip.

I just hope that all this failure isn't getting to me. I've noticed that it has become easier for me to get over people. It took me 4 years the first time, 2 for the second time and now I'm down to 1. Not 1 year but 1 week and I don't want to be like that. But then again maybe the entire thing was indeed just an overreaction on my part, though I'd rather look at this as me finally knowing when to quit, knowing to give up before something totally destroys me.

That being said, I still think and will forever say that I had a blast while I was in Batanes. I was never bored while I was there and I'm looking forward to going back there. I just hope next time I won't just be visiting. harhar.

Theme Song

2006-02-13T02:34:00.000+08:00

Well if you're happy
then I'm blue
Coz I'm not... so far...
but not with you

And I can't see
Why we can't see each other
I telephone
but you're sleepin forever

I hate you
For the things you do
but I love you
And curse you for your beauty
that makes me make some poetry
about love
And I don't think
You even think about me
If only you were smiling
if I was your reason
tomorrow I could die

I can only pray
my absence will change you
pretend that you're the one
who needs my love (needs my love)

But you celebrate
'coz yes why should you miss me?
oh when you know darn well
I'd die
Just to bring (keep) us together

THIS IS NOT A LOVE SONG
DON'T EVEN THINK IT'S YOUR SONG

Mishka Adams

2006-02-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

I absolutely adore her. I found her album in the same mp3 cd that had Romancing Venus on it that my friend got. Gosh, I neverliked jazz before. It always made me want to fall asleep but I love listening to this girl sing. Too bad I don't have a job right now so I can't exactly go out and watch her perform live and I think she's in London anyway. Aaaargh. Why the hell was I not watching TV 8 months ago? If only I was, I would've known that she had a gig at Eastwood. Eastwood!!! That darn place is only 20 mins. away!!! And I just found out that she did an album launch thingee at Marikina Riverbanks which is even closer to my house. Bad trip talaga!!!

My sister says that it's actually possible that that the radio station she's working for or a sponsor might invite her to do a show in Boracay this summer. Gosh, if this is true then I am gonna start saving up now so that I can go with them. I figured all I would have to worry is the plane fare. I know my sister and I ain't exactly chummy but I'm hoping she'd at least let me crash in her hotel room. She couldn't possibly bear to have me sleep on the beach, right? But then again... hmm...

Anyway check out her album, please!!! I think she won either best new artist or best performance by a new artist at the AWIT awards for it. Apparently there was some sort of controversy about it because she beat the likes of Kitchie Nadal and Nina for that award and some idiots were wondering if she was even Filipino. She IS Filipino. Actually, half Filipino, half British but have you heard her speak tagalog? I couldn't get my hands on any audio clips but take a look at this quote I found:

-- When she was asked whether she preferred her gigs in Q.C. this is what she said:

"Yeah I do. I have a little difficulty with Makati crowds... they're not really a listening crowd. It's so different. I dunno, nahihirapan ako. They're a lot louder, talking to each other. They're not very interested, well maybe at the moment - 'cause we hardly ever play there yet. But in Quezon City, people are really there, they really listen... after the solos, they'll really clap. So it's nice when I introduce the musicians - like our keyboardist Ria for example - then they'll go "Whooo!” But in Makati it's like, "Ha? Ano daw? Bakit? Ba't hindi na kumakanta?" (LAUGHS)

"Naku, hala, siguro pag lumabas yan, wala nang manunuod sakin (LAUGHS) But - it's true, di ba?"

Awwww... Isn't she just absolutely lovable?

No official website yet but I found the pictures and some articles at the Candid Records Philippines website.

*uhm... pano ba format ng footnote? whatever... basta... I got the quote from www.philmusic.com

Instead of Going To Class...

2006-02-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday I watched my friends' band audition at Barbariba. It was great. We got a bit drunk so my friend got this crazy idea to just walk from the bar all the way to EDSA instead of taking a cab and I agreed. Good thing that guard was there to tell us that it would be better if we walked on the other side of Macapagal since the other side of the highway was well lit and there were bars and hotels there so it would be much safer. Duh! Why didn't we think of that? I guess alcohol + pain really does numb the brain.

That Lovapalooza thing is tonight. Good thing I don't have plans tonight because I bet that traffic would be a killer. I notice that I usually don't have places to go during weekends. Some might think that's so sad but I'm actually liking it. I even have TV shows that I watch out for again. Maybe I really am getting old. Most days I'd really rather stay home and chill. When I do go out, I prefer it if my friends and I just go to a quiet place where we can either have coffee or drinks and just talk.

Speaking of quiet places to go, you might want to check out that Barbariba place. The food and drinks are reasonably priced and the service is pretty good. It's near the CCP or within the CCP complex. Just ask around. Until next time...

Batanes: A Semi-fictional Account of How A City Became A Figure of Speech

2006-02-10T08:28:00.000+08:00

Ms. Cynical: Dude, there are so many things that I want to tell you but it'll just take too much effort if I'm going to tell you through a text message. But I will tell you this: this week has been the happiest week of my entire life. I got to spend so much time with her this week. I'm so happy and yet I'm scared to death. Scared because I know that there's nowhere to go but down from here. I'm an ungrateful idiot, I know! But I just know how much I'm gonna miss this when this is all over.

Ms. (Usually) Sensible: Just enjoy things while you still have it. It's like when you go to Batanes.

Ms. Cynical: Huh?

Ms. (Usually) Sensible: Apparently Batanes is just this great place. I heard that it's sooo beautiful there. So while you're there, enjoy the sights, man. Don't lock yourself up in your hotel room and obsess about making plans about what you're going to do with yourself when it's time to go back home.

Ms. Cynical: But wouldn't it have been better if I did not know what I was missing in the first place. If I hadn't gone to Batanes then I wouldn't have known how great it is there so I eliminate the potential of feeling inconsolable despair when it's time to leave. Right?

Ms. (Usually) Sensible: But if you were in Batanes and truly enjoyed being there, wouldn't you think it was all worth it?

What's Goin On

2006-02-09T06:13:00.000+08:00

I've updated the website version of this blog. You might wanna check it out: jadedjeanne.farvista.net. You'll find pretty much the same stuff there that you can find here. The only difference is, there, you get the bonus (or should I say consolation?) of hearing some great tunes while reading about my insanity. hehe.

Through the update work that I had to do, I got to read the things that I've written recently and I noticed that most of them were all about or at least have something to do with that thing that I'm saying I dread the most. Here I am ranting about the sappiness of this stupid month yet it is all that I write about. I realize that it might be considered terribly uncool to only be able to write about love but what can I do? Not exactly my choice to have to deal with this crap while everybody else is thinking of where to take there dates on Feb 14. The commercials of that stupid movie "I Will Always Love You" might be getting to me. Aaargh. But I suppose its o.k. Consider it as me trying to have a theme thing going here. And anyway, IT’S A BLOG and I'm not even a writer. Not exactly gunning for a Pulitzer Prize here, you know?

Too bad I wasn't a blogger three years ago. Because if I was, you, my lone reader would've had the pleasure of reading about this idiot who was hysterically crying in someone's arms while they were in a cemetery during all soul's day in front of a grave a person she did not even know with her little brother right there, watching, happily eating "isaw" while trying very hard not to laugh at the sight of his adult sister who could only stop bawling like a baby to utter stuff like "why him? huhuhu....", But then again, if you are reading this nonsense then I probably know you personally so it's a safe bet that you know all about that. I probably even gave you a live re-enactment of that event.

And anyway, I'm pretty sure that all of this yuccchy mush-mush stuff will have run out by this month's end. (*Wink Wink*) Oh and speaking of which, I'm almost done with my M.T. classes. I'm so excited! I can't wait for it to be finally over since I can finally start doing something productive again… among other things of course… harhar :p (*Wink Wink* ulet).

Romancing Venus

2006-02-08T03:22:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon this album when a friend got this mp3 cd from another friend and this album just happened to be in it. The tracks are actually poems by Kooky Tuason interpreted by women from different fields. She had singers, actors, radio personalities, etc. sing or read the poems for the album. My favorite track on this album is "FLAME", read by Wawi Navaroza of Late Isabel

The candle flame
That scorched my skin
In pain
Is you

Red,
Angry,
Full of room
To burn
Idealistic hearts
To ashes
Sweeping clean
My clear vision
Of lovers true

I toast to brew
Viewing my skin and my heart
Burned by you

Side Kwento: I have a major crush on this Wawi girl now. I just love the way she read the poem. And I also adore Monique Jaramillo, she came up with that line in Track 25 she said "I love, him, he is my music in human form". I have this thing for women who are amazing when it comes to speaking. I have no idea why. It's sooo weird! Let me tell you... I went gaga over my learning lab supervisor when I was working for this company. She wasn't gorgeous but she wasn't bad looking either. I'd say she'd pass for slightly more than cute but still not the type who would turn people's heads just by merely walking into a room. Let me put it to you this way... She ain't "Cindy Kurleto" but man,,, if you hear her speak... you will thank the Lord for the ability to hear.

One night my nose was buried in this test, she passed by my station and while my back was turned so I wasn't able to see her she said "I like your Jacket" while slightly pulling on the hood. I don't know what happened but I felt "kilig" right then and I was so freaked out all I could come up with as a response was "uhm, kase yellow..."

Since that thing happened, I, the poster child for schedule adherence delinquency of call center agents, was only late once and had a great internal struggle over using my 1 allowed (as in allowed ha, as in your excuse could be that you needed to water your plants and you still would not get in trouble) absence to watch a friend's gig just because it would take away one day of my being able to listen to her pre-shift talks.

Anyway, what I find most interesting about this album is that the women were given free reign in choosing which poems they want to interpret cause it sort of gives you insight on what's going on in their heads based on what the poems that appealed to them were about. So you get an idea on how they are as real people. hehe. I'd make for a very scary stalker don't you think?

This album was released middle of last year and part of the proceeds will benefit the Women's Crisis Center. According to the articles I read it's available at M1 and Powerbooks stores but I was able to find a copy at Odyssey so I suppose you can get it at any record store now.

For more information you can visit this site: www.venusinorbit.com.

Suckfest

2006-02-07T11:50:00.000+08:00

This month totally sucks. It's worse than December with its merry-ness and goodwill crap. And to think that Valentine's Day is not even an actual holiday. Everywhere you go it's all about love. Grrrrh. Kakainis… Sobra!!!

If during Christmas I turn into the Grinch, during Valentine's I turn into that guy who appeared on one episode of Ally McBeal. Remember that guy who went around smacking people on the head with a bat whenever he thought that they were in love? I become like him except I don't do it to make them realize that they are in love, I just want to smack them, period.

You can accuse me of being bitter but the truth is that I just don't understand what the fuss is all about! Can you explain to me why the traffic is so bad during Valentine's Day? Doesn't matter if the actual day falls on a Monday when you expect people to just stay home because they obviously have to go to work the next day, na-ah, every one is out... on a date. So if you're unlucky enough to be working in a call center and have to work at night, you have to leave home to go to work at least 2 hours earlier than usual. Oh... and good luck trying to find a cab.

I Need A Shrink...

2006-02-06T03:25:00.000+08:00

About 4 days ago I went nuts. Now I know some people who have known me for quite a while might argue that I have been crazy since the day they met me but I really believe that I had a mental breakdown several days ago. I'm not exactly sure how it happened but I took one look at her walking away from me with that guy and I just lost it and I did something very, very horrible.

I should've just gone postal. I should've picked up every beer bottle within sight and should've just started to systematically smash them on this guy’s head but no... I had to do something much, much worse...

I started to think that I could do something to stop "this" from happening...

I thought that if this guy thinks I'm just gonna take this lying down then he's got another thing comin'. Mwehehe. This could very well have been the stupidest and looniest idea that I've had in my entire life because there is absolutely nothing that I can do to stop it. I could come up with the solution to world hunger tomorrow and it still wouldn't make a bit of a difference, at least, not the way I want it to. I bet even the most optimistic person in the world can take a look at this situation and say that nothing short of divine intervention can help me come out victorious in this war. And since based on every religion that I am aware of, even God himself (...or herself for some people) can't possibly be on my side on this one, it is safe to assume that I'm nothing but screwed.

Sorry guys, false alarm. I thought I had it in me but I don't. The whole make "da moves" thing is just sooo not me. I thought long and hard about the things that happened last Friday and though it wasn't bad, it just didn't sit well with me. Come to think of it if I really care as much as I claim I do then I should realize that I can't be with anyone when my mind is this freaky.

Oh... and I've also realized that what I really want, I will never ever get as long as the need to ask questions still exist. So, since we live in a world wherein you can't get answers unless you ask questions and since most of the time people in my situation don't even get the opportunity to ask then I think it's best that I just give up and hope that I am given the opportunity to do what I do best... the whole "just being there for her" thing.

It's no big deal anyway. If it’s not him then it's going to be somebody else that I don't even know. It's actually better if ends up being him though. This way, if he does something stupid and ends up hurting her in any way, it will be easier for me to lure him into a secluded area and show him what the word "vivisection" means :p

Much Ado About Nothing

2006-01-30T11:46:00.000+08:00

I just realized that I have only been able to update my blog once every month. It's not because I don't have time. Time is actually the one thing that I have truckloads of. It's just been hard to find inspiration to write because the things that inspire me I can't really write about.

Why? Who the hell cares? DUH? What's new? It’s almost the same old story with just a slightly different set of characters. And it totally sucks now as much as it did 3 years ago. Don't know what I'm talking about? Don't feel so confused. I don't know what I'm talking about either. Well... actually I have an idea but I really don't wanna have to go into it right now. Like I said... "Who cares?"

It's no big deal. If there's anything that that unsightly episode in my life taught me is that I will get over this… sooner or later. I'm betting it's going to be later rather than sooner. It's going to be "later" until about a day before I find the next one that I'm going to go nutz over and then the entire story begins again. Aaargh.

Okay. I know I can pretty much be considered as the most ungrateful asshole in the universe for complaining since everything's fine. Someone said that I should just enjoy the sights while I'm here and not obsess about when its time to go back home but jeesh, I really like being here damn it! Wait... scratch that... I think I can already say that "I liked being there" because I think that I'm already on my way back, which, should explain all the profanity present in this blog entry. harhar.

Just to make everything clear, just in case by some miracle, anybody reads this and… decides to get any "bright ideas" about what this means: I'm not mad, just frustrated at how certain things work or don't work out the way you really, really want it to; to be more specific. This is just my way of making up for all the things that I can't say out loud.

Fart! I am making no sense at all am I? Grrrh... I am sooo tired of this bullshit as in PAAAGOD NA AKO! Maybe I should just sleep this off. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. But then again, considering what day tomorrow is... maybe not.

Cha-cha or Tango?

2006-01-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

For the past several months the news had been dancing around the same topic: "Cha-cha" or charter change. Our president is pushing for a constitutional assembly to change our constitution so that our government system can be changed to parliamentary.

Now, I hardly watch local news at all for the basic reason that not much on it is "news" to me since I always thought that news was supposed to be new information of any kind but I did hear something new when I watched the news a couple of hours ago. I heard a new term being thrown around: "Tango".

I've been browsing the ABS-CBN news website for about 30mins now looking for their article on this "TANGO" thing because I just can't believe the stuff that I heard on that news segment. But I can't seem to find the damn article... wait... hah... there it is... stupid me... It's under TV patrol not News Central.

Anyway, "TANGO" is the answer to "cha-cha" of former President Erap's supporters. It was launched by a group called FREEDOM (Free and Restore Estrada for Democracy and Order Movement). Apparently, this group is headed by former Nueva Ecija Gov. Edno Joson. Who this guy is, I have no idea whatsoever because there was no sign of him in the news bit. All I saw were his (Erap's) sons. I think it was JV who was onstage giving a very intense speech and then Jinggoy was shown shaking hands with the people who attended this event.

TANGO is supposed to be an acronym for "Tanggalin si Gloria Arroyo sa lalong madaling panahon" -- but then since acronyms are supposed to be words formed from the initial letters or by combining letters and parts of a series of words, the more appropriate ancronym would've been "TAN-G-A" (which is like a euphemism of sorts for the word tanga which means stupid) but then they would have deviated from the "dancing" theme. Though I think it would've had more "umph' to it if they had used TANGA instead of TANGO 'coz it would've seemed as if they were saying that "Tanga yung mga taong nag-punta sa EDSA 2! Eh ano kayo ngayon?" (The people who went to EDSA 2 are stupid! So what has become of you now?) or something like that. -- but what they really want as what their group's name states, is that they want Erap to be reinstated to the position that was snatched from him by Gloria.

It was also noted that if Erap and his children left Malacañang in 2001 teary-eyed, that they were now very pleased in greeting their father's supporters and that they were eagerly awaiting a "fight" that is impending. Hmm...

So what would it be cha-cha or tango? Let me put it to you this way: If Gloria stays in power, then God help all of us because with the huge number of attempts that are about to happen to destabilize her presidency, it's a safe bet that our economy is just totally going to go kaput that we will certainly need the assistance of Divine Intervention, but if Erap gets reinstated as President, then I will become an Atheist because that happening, pretty much proves to me that there is no God.

Merry Christmas?

2005-12-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

In less than 30 minutes it'll be Christmas.

They say that suicide rates become higher during the holidays. Apparently, all the "peace on earth and good will to all of mankind" mentality that people magically develop during this time of the year accentuates certain people's dissatisfaction and frustration with their own lives. Add to that the pressure of being one of the very few who can't seem to get with the program.

If I had any suicidal tendencies at all, I would've been in huge trouble this year. These last few months I have graduated from being slightly autistic to being slightly manic-depressive. One minute I'd be bouncing off walls happy to be alive in such a beautiful world and the next minute I'll be saying stuff like "I think my spirit is tired". Too bad my psychological instability can't progress all the way so that I can just collapse into a catatonic stump in the corner of a padded room and not worry about anything anymore.

The problem is I was given the gift of being able to correctly identify the causes of my problems and by thinking about them I am made aware that I may be going crazy and because of that I know that I'm not really, really crazy because they say that crazy people can't know that they are going crazy. So I'm not crazy, just disturbed. hehe.

So you might be thinking that: if I know the source of all my troubles then why don't I do something about it?

Here's the thing: I was given the ability to identify the causes, but I just was not given the tools to properly solve them. The story of my life... always being half-way there.

Anyway, what was I talking about? O yeah... Christmas. Ey, look... it says 12:00 AM on my pc. Yipee :p

Personally, my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. It's not about giving or spreading cheer. It's about being thankful for what you do have. So I thought I should make a list of things that I'm thankful for because as unhappy as I seem to be about everything these days; I know that... things could be much, much worse. hehe.

-- that I was given a life wherein I have the luxury to suffer from existential angst. Because right now, at this very moment, my only responsibility is to make something of myself. I don't have kids and my family does not desperately need me to lift them out of poverty or anything like that. We're not filthy rich, but I'm sure we have enough.

-- for the kind of education that I've had the opportunity to receive. Though I don't have a degree, I think my parents have pretty much fulfilled their responsibility in preparing me for the real world.

-- that I have the ability to learn from my mistakes.

-- that I have the courage to ignore things that I've learned so that I can do things that I feel are worth doing.

-- that I know that "sometimes you love, you learn and then you let go... and that's okay." and that I did not have to spend a lot of money in therapy to find this out.

-- that I don't have a lot of money because if I did I would've been tempted to take cabs to go places. Therefore, having money has just saved me from the stress of having to stop myself from pulling cabbies' spleens out through their right nostrils (this is what I consider a "nasal show"... mwehehe) whenever they refuse to take me to where I’m going because it's too far, too near or there's too much traffic.

Merry Christmas Everybody

"At Least You Tried"

2005-11-27T04:21:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm sitting here because I need to stay up until 10 am because if I don't I wouldn't be able to wake up and get to podium by noon because I need to meet my friend because we need to look for a job... again.

For some reason I can't seem to find the words to write about what's been going on so let me just share with you a semi-edited version of a message that I sent my very brilliant and very level-headed friend Jen about a month ago in an attempt to fight the urge to pull out all my hair:

Everything that I texted you before has happened. Yes... even the "pag-iyak ko ng bato" part.

You see... I sort of love (yucch, blecch, ewww) her already and I am now in the process of explaining(sometimes it feels a lot like defending) my thing about not doing anything about it with my very good friends/diskarte coaches. 'Coz apparently, they are of the "AT LEAST YOU TRIED" school of thought on love. As in "so what if you don't think you stand a chance… at least you tried”.

One went all "poetic" on me and said "Jeanne, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". My problem is that it is also very possible (especially if you’re me) to MISS ALL OF THE SHOTS YOU TAKE so I asked them what difference it makes if I do something about it?... and they said (all together now)… "At least you tried".

Here's my take on this -- though I don't exactly know why I'm telling you this as if you don't have anything better to do than read about my stupid dilemmas:

When it comes to $@&#, if the answer isn't yes... then I don't wanna hear it. The mere thought of her telling me "hindi talaga pwede" is something I don’t think I’ll be able to bear. I feel that it will destroy my faith in all of mankind. That… or I may disintegrate into dust.

I'd also hate to point out that if you really think about it, this statement does not mathematically make sense. It's possible to make or miss 100% of shots that you do take but you can't get a percentage if you didn't even try to take any shots at all since any number divided by zero becomes undefined, right? So that's exactly what I'm thinking. I'd rather leave it as being "undefined" than be sure that I don't amount to anything.

I just think that I'd rather spend the rest of my life being able to hold on to a microscopic amount of hope that maybe if I actually did something; that it would've made a difference because if I can't have that... Then I have nothing...

Do you get what I'm saying?

Anyway I think I have already reached the maximum amount of drama that you can tolerate from one person so I'm going to leave it at that and if you have gotten this far... I thank you for reading this silly message...

Jeanne

A few weeks after this message was sent I got drunk with some friends from school and ended up telling her anyway. And I haven't changed this blog's name to “Happy, Ecstatic, and Luckiest Person in the World Jeanne" so I suppose ya’ll know what the answer was... Good thing is that I am posting this blog entry right now... which means that I did not disintegrate into dust.

Talk 'bout your dark clouds and silver linings... hehe.

People Power Addiction

2005-10-26T07:14:00.000+08:00

I was on my way to my mom's office in Malacañang last Friday. I was just about to get out of the FX that I was riding in when I saw what seemed to be 100-150 policemen who were blocking the Mendiola entrance to Malacañang. Other people in the FX started talking among themselves. "May rally na naman". Blah... Blah... Blah...

The guy sitting next started to froth at the mouth. "Grabe naman 'tong si Gloria, abusado!" Now I'm not a big Gloria fan or anything but if I was in her position and I had 400 people coming to kick me out of my house I'd at least take certain precautions...

"Grabe! Grabe talaga yang si Gloria! Wala na ngang ginagawang matino nakakasama pa! Dapat talaga patalsikin na yan!" To distract this guy from his monologue which was starting to irritate me I tried to talk to him, "E di bawal po pumasok diyan? Iikot pa po ba ako sa likod?" The guy then said "Bakit? RALLYISTA ka ba?" hmm... aren't we Mr. Snappish?

Anyway, I got out of the FX and crossed the street and I was looking around the hordes of policemen trying to see where I could get in. One policeman was nice enough to point me in the right direction, "Cge iha, dun oh. O.k. lang yan" he must've noticed that I was a little bit intimidated with the sheer number of them that were blocking the entrance. See... there's still hope. I am not what you would consider a bodacious babe. I get mistaken for being a "sir" a lot and this guy not only got it right by calling me "iha" instead of "iho" but he automatically assumed that I wasn't a pillbox wielding rallyist undercover as a student which is why he pointed me to the entrance.

On the way to the entrance I saw some field reporters interviewing a fishball vendor. I assume that they were asking him the usual questions like how he feels about Gloria, should she step down, etc. I got to thinking: What if some of them asked me about my opinion? What would I say? I was so afraid because I haven't been able to sleep in 2 days so all that I could've given them was a little shrug of the shoulder and then just walk away. Then everyone would think that I'm an idiot who doesn't care about what's going on with her country. Good thing they pretty much ignored me and I escaped, unscathed.

Last Saturday a couple of friends and I hung-out at a friend’s apartment after going out coz we didn't want to commute at 3am because we thought it wasn't safe so we got to talking about all these rallies that have been happening. All of us pretty much agreed that the rallies were pretty useless. If a none-friend read this I bet that he will think that were just a bunch of spoiled brats who don't have to deal with the real world that's why we can afford to be apathetic about the situation that our country is in. Well, I'm sorry if you think that way but you are wrong. I suppose you can consider me a brat but I am not spoiled. I personally, just don't think that any of this is helping one bit. Every rally just contributes to bringing the economy further down and even if you were successful in getting Gloria to step down, who do you think is going to replace her? Even if one person with the best of intentions manages to get elected as president of this country I doubt that he is going to make much of a difference. One person can't do it all. He is going to have to deal with all the other "politicians" who are only interested in bettering their own situations. The Philippines is still a democracy so the greater majority still holds all the cards. Even if there are some politicians out there who really care about our country, I'm sure their numbers are very very small compared to the ones who just use their position to get more money to keep their families and sometimes mistresses comfortable.

So what do I suggest? Here I am being all critical about this people power addiction that we are suffering of and yet I can't think of a better way to get out of this rut that we are in. Well here's an idea: Instead of kicking out every president that we are unhappy with how about WE CHOOSE RIGHT NEXT TIME? How about we start listening to candidates' platforms instead of just voting for the one who kisses the most babies and does the most song-and-dance numbers at their conventions? Listening to what these people have to say is very big thing because:

1. It lets us know if they have anything to say at all, which would enable us to determine if they really know what the heck their doing. Why would anyone in his right mind want to be a politician in the Philippines anyway? The pay isn't that good; you spend more to get elected than what you would earn if you just invested the money you used to get elected to buy a Jollibee branch or something.

2. It will give us something specific to hold them accountable for instead of just complaining about the fact that we still don't have enough money because guess what? no logical person expects a single politician to solve the country's financial crisis. So maybe if we actually held these guys accountable for something specific that they said they would do then maybe people who are normally as apathetic as I am can actually get the point of all this bickering that's going on so that I can actually get interested whenever I see you dishing out your litany of complaints on TV instead of just making me want to change the channel to see if HBO is already showing re-runs of Sex and the City.

But then again this is just what I think. What the heck do I know anyway? I haven't watched the news in a year. All I know is that all this is coming from some tape that they found that has Gloria talking to a COMELEC official about cheating? I find this sort of funny of course since no non-celebrity candidate has ever won an election wherein anyone can swear by the life of their first born that they are 100 percent positive that this candidate did not cheat. But then again this is the first time that we've ever had audio proof. Maybe its like that ERAP thing. We all know that most politicians are corrupt. It's just that he was stupid enough to get caught. So he got kicked out. So maybe Gloria will get kicked out eventually. So a very disturbing question comes into mind: Who will win this snap election that I've been hearing about. My money is on Susan Roces.

Great.... when that happens first thing I'll do is run to the nearest airport and buy a one-way ticket. Destination: Anywhere but here...

Elevator Manual

2005-10-26T06:48:00.000+08:00

I work in a building that has 20 floors and 3 elevators. Normally, this wouldn't be so bad except that when you work at a call center every second matters so having only 3 elevators to service 1000 people in 20 floors is crap. But it's really not that bad its just made worse by people who don't know how to use them properly. So here it is, advice for people who want to see another day if they ever share a building with me.

The Up arrow means up and Down arrow means down. Duh? I always thought it was kind of clever that they chose symbols instead of words for those elevator buttons. It's supposed to be universal. Doesn't matter whether you speak English, Filipino, German or whatever, I know that in most places in Europe that traffic tends to come from the right but red still means stop and green still means go. This is pretty much the same for those arrows that you press when you need to use the elevator. It's not asking you where the elevator is going. It's asking you where you need to go. So why the hell do some people press both buttons? I doubt that they are going to two places. I just want to strangle these people who come by and see that the Up button is already pressed so they press the Down button and then when the elevator opens nobody moves because obviously none of them are getting off at that floor and the dumb ass who pressed the down button stands by the door and asks "going Up?" What the fuck? Come on. Of course the damn thing is on its way down. You pressed the damn down button didn't you?

I'm not mad because I'm being prissy. I'm just being practical. This sort of stupidity takes up a lot of time. Instead of the elevator being able to go down at once it has to stop, open its doors for some idiot who can't follow simple instructions, and the people in the elevators, being that most of them are a lot nicer than I am wait around and not shut those doors at once. You really don't have to know that much about math to realize how much time this eats up. And an adult pressing buttons just because he can’t help it is not the same as when a 6 year old kid does it. It doesn’t look cute dude… its looks retarded.

Malandi (Flirt) Daw Ako

2005-10-10T08:07:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of words that I can think of that people can use to describe me. It's just that I never thought that the word "malandi" could ever apply to me but lately I would have to agree. Normally I wouldn't care what people think. I would just do as I please. It just ticks me off because I'd already said that I don't want anything to do with girls ever again. Of course this doesn't mean that I've finally been "converted". I just don't want to have to go through anything that has something to do with having a relationship. May it be with women and of course especially not with men. It's just that lately, I've been hearing a lot of "I told you that you couldn't do it" and "eh ano ka ngayon? ayaw na pala ha." and all of that good stuff. So, this got me to thinking: Have I finally uttered a very solemn promise that I couldn't live up to?

You see when I was in high school; whenever I told people that I think I'm not exactly straight or that I'm just not interested in men they would always tell me that it's just a phase, that I will eventually grow out of it and that the minute that I step in college that I would get a boyfriend and that I might even get pregnant before I graduate. I would tell these non-believers that they were so wrong, that I am not like everybody else and guess what? I was right. hehe. I was in UST for 5 years... never had a boyfriend...never wished for a guy to be my boyfriend (even though I did see some that made me raise an eyebrow a little bit when they were around)... kissed 1 boy... but all that did was pretty much convince me that I am not nor will I ever be interested in boys... ever...

Disclaimer: I am not saying that he was a bad kisser. I really wouldn't have known anyway since I had nobody to compare him to but here's the thing... he was cute... he was going to be a doctor... and I must admit I was a little bit attracted to him but... but I should've at least required a couple of beers to get over the fact that he could never be MINE [coz I think he was making "ligaw" another girl at the time (this isn't me being all collehiyala ek...ek... its just that 4 years ago, here in the Philippines, the term dating wouldn't apply until you are actually boyfriend-girlfriend. The guy makes ligaw (or courts) first and they just start dating when the girl quits making "pakipot"(playing hard to get)] but no... I was over it before the 15-second kiss (French kiss to be more specific :p) was through.

Anyway, I've never known myself to say something like "I swear, I don't want this or I don't want that" and end up doing something that goes against what I said. I've never even had to have to do anything about not doing what I said I wouldn't do (HUH...). It'll just end up being that way. Like back in college I never had to consciously stop myself from falling in love (pweh...) with some guy. But why is this happening to me now? How come I like "them" and my friends are suddenly telling me that I'm "malandi"? Has the routinary work that I've been stuck doing for the last 2 years taken its toll and has caused my cerebrum to atrophy thereby affecting my almost psychokinetic powers to stop myself from feeling things that I said I wouldn't feel? Have I've become a freakin' scatterbrain?

This has gotten me so worried that I have started reading again. I even put myself through a 4-hour solo marathon study session at Starbucks when I could just as easily have not gone to school and took the test with people who were going to take a make-up test 4 days later just so I could give my brain some exercise. Problem was I was so freakin distracted by thoughts of "them" that I think I didn't do too well in that stupid test. Now I wish I just took the make-up test instead. Shit... I really have become a scatterbrain.

Now, I have 48 hours of rest in my hands since I don't have to go back to work and school until Tuesday. So I've been trying to analyze what the heck is going on with me and I have come up with a conclusion that can save me from having to put myself through my own very brutal but very effective brand of aversion therapy. I am not going back on my word. Someone out there has designed it so that I can live up to what I said but still have a little fun. hehe. I do like "them" a lot but it's very clear that I can't have them so I don't have to worry. Two of them are in gazillion-year relationships with their respective significant others and the other one is definitely straight. I know that that I've always said that there is no such thing as a straight person, just someone who hasn't met her match yet and that people have been known to fall for someone else even if they're already involved but I believe and have also scientifically proven that this will never happen as long as I'm the idiot involved in the situation. I neither have the fortitude nor the skills to change people's minds. This isn't me not having enough confidence in myself. That's just been how it has been for the as long as I can remember and I'm fine with it. Or at least I think I am... (hmm...) All I know is flirting with "them" has made me feel very very very inspired to do the things that I have to do these past few months. What can be wrong with that?

Full-Time

2005-10-10T07:40:00.000+08:00

My week has been absolute hell (my gulay...mga lola, I think SHE is starting to rub off on me... when I start saying boo or stuffs... do me a favor -- shoot me! Pls!?!). I have been running back and forth between school and work for the past 2 weeks. I don't remember the last time that I've had a decent night's rest.

I've always tried to tell myself not to regret any of my choices. Its not that I think I always make the right ones but I figured that regretting stuff that I can't change will just be a waste of my time. But lately doing this has become a tat more difficult than usual because I can't help but give myself in the little kick in the head whenever I realize that this is all my fault. I made my life a lot more complicated than it was meant to be. I was supposed to be a chemist and forever be stuck in some laboratory trying not to blow myself into smithereens but no... I had to give that up and work in a call center to spend more time with some jerk that I used to know. But I eventually gave that up too because I really hate having to talk for 8 hours and having to go beg every time I want to take a 1 day rest ( which was going to be unpaid anyway!!!)... so I decided that I never want to work in a call center again. If I'm not going to get the opportunity to make the world a better place I at least would like to have a job wherein I have control of my own time so I decided to study M.T. But of course becuase of my awesome luck studying M.T. turned out to be neither cheap nor easy so here I am... back where I started. I have no money, no time for myself and I am working in a call center again mweh hehe.

But I'm not really complaining. I know I have it easy compared to some other people out there. So what if I go to work for 8 hours, go to school for another 4 hours and then have to deal with traffic when I go home. At least now I can say that I have a full-time life. It ain't that much fun (not yet :)) but at least I don't have time be bored anymore.

Birthday Shmirday....

2005-10-07T11:50:00.000+08:00

Well my 24th birthday just passed. Shucks... in 6 years I'll be 30 and 10 years after that I'll be 40. What I don't get is I've always known that life is just too short but how come I haven't done anything worthwhile in 24 freaking years. Yeah, yeah... I've done lots of fun things with my friends but when I think about it I haven't really done anything I would consider productive.

career: zippo so far... in the process of building one... still no guarantees though... I have to pass the course and hope to the highest heavens that I get through the job applications...

love: ay...yay...yay... don't even get me started... please!!!

times I've made even a "microscopic" dent in making the world a better place: well... I did sneak out of the house to go to the EDSA 2 rally to oust ERAP... does that count? Pero this was like 4 years ago and since then all I've done was suck in precious air and contribute to global warming by smoking cigarettes so what little difference I've made in going to that rally has been pretty much cancelled out.

You know that song that has this line "every 5 years or so I look back on my life and I have a good laugh..." aaargh...

I just turned 24. Maybe I'll get to laugh next year...

A TRIBUTE TO WHAT USED TO BE MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK

2005-09-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps! Found something on the internet. Guess who this is?

Here's a clue: she's the first person that I ever gave flowers to...

Still don't know who she is? here's another picture...

Nadda still? Well this next clue should close the deal....

"I had the inspiration, to call you on the phone
to say that I once loved you, there ain't nobody home
the nights are cold and empty are you out there alone
without me?"

Yup it's our Maureen. I found her website. Too bad it doesn't seem like they're updating it anymore. My friends and I used to follow Big Deal everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE (We even watched one of their gigs in CUBAO for christssake!!!). They had regular Thursday gigs at Felix. And of course we would always watch and then I would end up having to commute home at around 3am (sometimes in my school uniform!) but so what??? At least I got to see her perform. hehe.

I remember that, once, I gave her flowers. I think it was for her birthday. Just totally sucks that she was on leave during the week of her birthday so I just asked Chanda to give it to Mauh for me. Now, the following week I think I was sick or something so I wasn't able to go and she told a friend of mine to say thank you for her. Now I'm not exactly sure if this was true or if she EVEN got the flowers but guess what? I don't care either! I choose to die believing that Mauh once said "thank you." to me (I take whatever I can get, rememer?).

I really miss Big Deal. If there's one band that I want to see reunite, it would be Big Deal. Don't care if they sing still "Hey" by fatima rainey or raimey or whatever her name is. I will take it as long as it's them performing.

And Mauh, i just want you to know that whenever I sing this song... I SING FOR IT FOR YOU!!! (I REALLY AM such a dork. hehe)

"It's just not enough for me to say
I love you so much is there no way
started to live for the very first time
I never have felt this way before
whatever it is give me some more
started to live for the very first time

Coz it's, its your love
that I'm dreaming of
theres only two of us and I...
I LOVE YOU..."

P.S. Wala po sanang demandahan sa pag-post nung pictures. Fan lang naman ako... oki?

Estudyante Blues

2005-09-11T10:49:00.000+08:00

I started my M.T. classes last week. I've been looking forward to this for the past few months because it sort of felt like I was finally going back to school and I really want to see if I can do well with something that actually requires you to study. Coz from what they've been telling us it seems that M.T. is like taking up medicine except that you're going to have to learn everything in just 6 months. So I figured hmm. "Medyo challenging ito 'tol.". Here’s my question: If there are a lot of things that we need to learn, then why the hell are they wasting our time with "computer essentials" and "english 100" stuff? I mean come on... haven't these people ever heard of diagnostic tests? The computer basics class lasted for 2 4-hour meetings. Good thing we had internet access during the time or else I would have fallen into a coma because of absolute boredom. They were teaching me how to create folders and save files in the computer. And as for the English class, I'm only looking forward to the day when we discuss punctuations because I figured that would be very useful in M.T. because as of now all we've done is give our teacher sentences using certain patterns. Stuff like I run, he runs, we run, they run, It runs, and so on...grrr....

O.k. Fine. If they have to teach us these things then I would just have to suck it up and take it in but the least that our so-called teachers can do is adjust their activities based on the skills of their students. Like in that computer essentials class, she wanted to teach us how to type faster. So what she had us do was type asdf, jkl', qwer, zxcv, nm,., and so on... do you get the pattern? Considering that all of us took this online typing exam and the lowest wpm that anybody got was 38wpm should've shown her that we were all touch-typists meaning we already know where everything is at on the computer keyboard. So why was she giving us exercises that are used to help people memorize the keyboard? Typing asdf asdf asdf asdf adsf until you have 6 lines of it is really irritating. Not to mention that I don't think it helps one bit since I'll just be typing the same letters which just happen to be next to each other on the keyboard over and over. So you're not really memorizing where the letters are at, you're just memorizing a pattern of how to move your fingers but the last time I checked the dictionary, I didn't find any words spelled like asdfg or zxcvb. So how is this going to help us to not look at the keyboard while we're typing? Also in the English class, gosh, that thing where the teacher goes around the room, making people give sample sentences just to make sure we know all what a "verb" is, is just oh so grade school. The average age of the people who are taking this class with me is 30, most of them are professionals who, I can only assume, have semi-good paying jobs because they were able to afford taking this course, 1 is a full-time mom, and another one is a call-center agent like me, and from what I've heard I'm the only one who doesn't have a degree so why the heck are they teaching us the same way that they would teach a kid in his or her 3rd grade? -- Oh, and another thing...you know my side kwento stuff, right? Anyway, from what I know, a "verb" is something different from a "burb" (because it sure sounds like she is saying "burb" to me). For an English major who has been teaching English for I don't know how long... maybe forever... you would expect that she would've figured out how to make the "v" sound by now. But no...

All I'm asking for is a little show of effort. I paid good money to take this class so I'm expecting my teachers to teach me things that I need to learn and not stuff that I already know. None of the other 8 people who are taking this course are stupid either so; their teaching methods only show me that they are not really thinking. They're just reciting something that they have memorized. This really blows considering the fact that taking this class was not cheap at all. This is the only career investment that I've made in my life and so far they've wasted 2 weeks' worth of it.

Aaaargh....

2005-09-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

I never thought of myself as a smart person. But I never thought that I was this stupid either. Did I really think that my luck was going to change for the better after years of being shown otherwise?

"What the heck happened to this lunatic?" you ask... well...

I just found "someone's" profile on Friendster and although I didn't see much I saw the most dreadful words that you could ever see on the profile of the person you happen to like. Three little words have managed to send the sky crashing down on me, knock me off my feet and hit me at the back of the head for good measure(just to make sure I realize how much of an idiot I've been). What were these awful words? It’s... (Better brace yourselves)...here it is: "IN A RELATIONSHIP". Three God forsaken words that don't even form a complete sentence. Darn it!!!

I know I am being melodramatic. I know I'm not at all entitled to feel this way since I don't really have anything invested in it. So what if she is in a relationship? To say that I barely know her would be a huge overstatement because I DON'T KNOW HER AT ALL. I always assumed that there was somebody else and like I said before; even if there wasn't; I could always produce scientific proof that there was no way that I could stand a chance even if hell froze over. So... why then do I feel like a train just ran over me? Did I really think that I was finally going to get the benefit of divine intervention with this one? Was I really ready to change my mind? Am I supposed to do something about this or should I just take this as the very obvious sign that it is and just forget about it? I honestly don't know.

All I know is that the mere thought of being able to chat with her for a couple of minutes every now and then has managed to keep a smile welded on my face for weeks, has made me look forward to weekdays instead of weekends and has made me want to try to be the best when being good enough would've done just fine. All in all she (it's such a cliché I know! sorrrry!!!) has brought out the best in me. But I guess making me write a few corny lines is just about as far as this insanity can go.

A lot of people tell me "If you like her that much, then why are you just going to give up? DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!!!” Well I did, I actually prayed and asked for a sign and guess what? It worked. Though it wasn't exactly the sign that I was hoping for to but I got one nonetheless, hehe. See, I'm not at all religious but I believe that whatever higher power exists out there understands the inner workings of my being enough to realize that somebody being "in a relationship" would never motivate me to take a risk and try something. But this doesn't mean that I like her less. I just prefer keeping my pain for myself. hehe. Drama no?

Nuts...

2005-08-29T09:24:00.000+08:00

I've met someone. Now I'm not very good at describing stuff so you'll just have to take my word for it when I say that she is just absolutely adorable.

I met her about a week and a half ago and ever since then I always try to find excuses to drop by her area at the office. It's totally pathetic, I know. But I just don't consider my day complete until I see her smile. Corny no? I don't care all I know is that I LIKE HER. SOBRA.

Yesterday my friend had to pass her requirements so I went with her to "someone's" area. For some bizzare reason only 2 people were there (as opposed to the usual 2 dozen) so I had a front row seat, so to speak. While my friend was waiting for her turn, the phone rang so she answered it and it was somebody who had a question about applying or something. Apparently the person on the other end was kinda slow and I noticed that she was always repeating what she was saying. I coudn't help but chuckle and when I did she looked and smiled at me and did that thing with her index finger as if to say that she thought that the person that she was talking to on the phone was nuts and after that she jokingly rolled her eyes. My gulay... If I was fair skinned I would've turned bright red. I left with a huge smile on my face that I couldn't get rid of no matter what I did. I was walking (or should I say gliding?) around (or above.. hehe) Ortigas smiling at nothing looking like a total idiot for the rest of the afternoon. hehe.

"Wait a minute and hold the phone!!! Is this the same Jeanne who's been saying that she doesn't mind being single forever? What about all those speeches about being better off alone?" Well..

Sorry to disappoint you but I haven't changed my mind. I still don't want a relationship and I sooo don't want to fall in love. The only thing I like about falling in love is that it reminds me of the reasons why I don't want to be "in love". Coz for the most part it just involves me squirming in excruciating emotional agony. To be honest I'm a little ticked off about this happening. I was so darn happy not having someone to think about and now this comes along and I'm going nuts again. I don't like it at all but seeing her smile just totally makes my day...what can i say? (Dammit! see... I told you... I AM going nuts)

But so what If I like her? I find it highly unlikely that she doesn't have somebody else already and even if she didn't I still don't think that i stand a chance in hell with her becuase whenever I'm around her I become even dorkier than usual (I couldn't even construct a single sentence to ask her if our IDs were ready for God's sake!!!). I just as look at this situation as God making my forced 6-month stay in this call center a little bit easier. But Lord, a better salary would've been perfectly fine with me. I think I really would've preferred that over this. Sana lang balato mo nalang saken tong isang to. hehe. Like ko talaga siya. Promise!!!

C*&#^$%ys SUCKS!!!! ("EPILOGUE" KUNO)

2005-08-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

A week has passed since that whole "barok ako" fiasco. It was around 630p.m. and I was sleeping in my room because I would have to get up at 10p.m. to go to a friend's house so that I won't have to travel from Marikina to Makati by myself at 3a.m. so that I can make it to work on time. The phone rings, my bro, Josh, answers it and then wakes me up to tell me that it’s for me. Sy$%s (another call center) daw, I picked up the phone. The girl on the other end proceeds to ask me if I'm still interested in the position and then tells me that I am scheduled for a final interview the next day at 3p.m. I thank her and put down the phone.

I arrive at the 48th floor (side kwento: this was the worst elevator experience of my life. I'm not at all claustrophobic but that elevator was slow. It took 6 mins. to reach the floor that I had to go to and it kept on stopping without the door opening -- something about servicing the lower levels or something -- and I was by myself inside the elevator for the last 10 floors. Aaaargh.)of the building where their office is located at around 215p.m. so I have to wait at the pantry. While I was waiting, I was thinking why was I even wasting my time doing this since the only openings that they have were for full time TSRs and chances are that they would not at all be flexible with the schedule so I probably won't accept the job anyway since the M.T. course that I will be taking is my top priority. But then I figured I should at least try to make some kind of deal and I had nothing better to do at the time anyway so might as well show up.

My interview started 15 mins. before it was supposed to because the girl who was supposed to be interviewed before me was missing (probably stuck in that stupid elevator!!!). So there I was doing another final interview, Everything was pretty much routine, it started with the "tell me about yourself" question again and then went on to "why did you leave your last job" and so on.. I was already thinking about how to bring up my issue with the schedule when she said "So, I can see here that you were a student teacher"? "Yup." I said. She then said "So I guess you're really comfortable when it comes to training." At this point I didn't know what to think.. Of course I was comfortable with training. I love training. It's like getting paid to study. I was thinking that she was referring to how I felt about being trained but then she asked me "How would you feel if we asked you to be a trainer?” I almost fainted. What? Me? A trainer? But I quickly regained my composure because I figured once she gets to my educational background and realizes that I don't have a degree that this would pretty much be the end of this trainer thing. I just told her that I'll be ecstatic if I were given the opportunity to train (pero syempre "ecstatic" pa rin yung word na gimamit ko hindi lang "happy"). We eventually got to my educational background and I told her that that's why I never applied as a trainer before. She then said the most wonderful thing that any H.R. person has ever told me she said that she knew of some people who never graduated but are doing well now so that shouldn't be a problem. Wow. Where have you been all my life, girl?

Wala lang. Chances are I wouldn't get to be a trainer anyway. She never said that it was a guaranteed thing. There are still a lot of applicants and there's a huge possibility that there is someone there with a degree in Computer Science or IT who speaks decent English and they'll probably hire him or her as trainer instead of me. It was just nice to be considered (If you had my luck, you'd learn to take what little you can get. hehe). It would just be so great if I ended up being a trainer and then I get to meet that H.R. girl from C*&#^$%ys again. Mwahahaha. Failed pa la ha.

C*&#^$%ys SUCKS!!!!

2005-08-12T14:23:00.000+08:00

I applied at a certain call center about a month and a half ago. Everything went well. Nothing special at all. Went through all the motions: initial interview (with this very cute, "hulog panty ikot bra" guy. haay...), went to Philamlife Tower for lunch and to wait for our 3p.m. test, took the test, passed every stage of the test(because I got to the very last stage and by the way their test took 4 hours to finish!!!), got asked if I was interested in the TSR position, given a slip of paper congratulating me on passing the test and was told to wait for a call regarding my final interview schedule and that there is no need to follow up because they assure me that they will call me for my final interview schedule.

Tell you what, whoever invented this hiring practice of telling people that you will call them and just not call when you aren't gonna hire them should be skinned alive. If he or she is dead, his or her soul should be burning in the lowest depths of hell. I mean how rude is that? Telling people that you are going to call and then not call. Talk about total lack of courtesy. I suppose this saves them money because they don't have to hire someone to make the phone calls but how long does it take to say or send out an e-mail saying that "you didn't get the job."? It's as if they expect your world to stop revolving once you've applied to them. Do they expect you to sit by the phone and wait for an entire week. What If you have to pee? What if Angelina Jolie suddenly calls you and profusely apologizes about the "Brad Pitt issue", tells you that it was all a big mistake and that she can't live another day on this earth with the two of you a thousand miles apart? What then? Was I supposed to interrupt her to answer the call waiting?(HUH???).....

So anyway, I was really busy at the time so I was always out of the house and did not get home until about 9p.m. (everyone else in the house had their own thing going on so I couldn't depend on them to stay home either) and me being the genius that I am, had the wrong cell number on my resume so needless to say I had no idea whether they called me or not.

Since I couldn't follow up, my friend and I figured that the only way that we could get to talk to someone was if we reapplied. This time we decided to apply at the location where our papers were supposed to be forwarded to. That way there would be no need to forward our papers this time.

So we went to their Ortigas center. Waited for about 30mins again and finally got to the H.R. person who was going to do our initial interview. So my friend told her that she was called a couple of times but she wasn't able to answer the phone. And then she got to me and I told her that I was sort of in the same situation except that I had no idea whether they called me or not because I wasn't home most of the time. She, the H.R. girl, then told me that maybe its because I failed and that she can't process my application because I would have to wait 6 months before I can reapply (WHAT????????). I then calmly asked her which part of the test did she think I failed since everyone else got asked to leave if they failed a portion of the test. And she answered "I don't know. Ganun yata talaga yun eh". "YATA???" (Again, WHAT?????????????). Yata, so you mean that you're not exactly sure so you just automatically assume that I failed?

Here's my beef with this stupid situation:

1. If I knew for sure that they didn't call me then I wouldn't have wasted my time reapplying.
2. They were the ones who offered me the TSR position saying that I passed their diagnostic test. I was only applying as a CSR. If i said that I wasn't interested. then there would not have been a need to forward my papers and I would've been scheduled for a final interview right after the test.
3. So far the only difference between me and my friend was that she said she was called and I said that I wasn't sure if I got called since this H.R. girl didn't ask for proof of how my friend was certain that she was called. What if I said that I got a call but wasn't able to answer it? Was she going to waste another 4 hours of my time making me take that test again? My point is if she couldn't be sure if I was called or not then why doesn't she go check?

Come to think of it, the fact that I'm not working there has actually worked to my advantage because I don't really need to get a job anymore. I already have one right now but I can quit it anytime I want because I don't have to worry about my medical transcription thing anymore because I got a "full scholarship" from the Prof. Hilda Foundation. hehe. So everythings fine. I don't have to work at a call center if I don't want to. I probably won't be able to go out for 6 months but I can live with that. It's certainly easier than having to talk for hours and hours. So everything is fine. Well.. almost everything...

My friend told me that she saw the girl write the word "failed" on my paper after I left. I have no issues about failing stuff. Its like that line in that John Mayer song that says "I quit every game I play" but with me its more like I lose every game I play so I have no issues with losing, failing, being rejected, and so on.. but the thing that ticks me off about her writing "failed" on my paper is that she was only handling initial interviews that day.

You see, most people think that you have to have a great accent(must have an american "twang") to be able to get past the initial interview stage but I know for a fact that this is not true. You just have to be "trainable". So people who don't get past the initial interview are the ones who cannot form a single coherent sentence in english. In filipino colloquial terms this is called "BAROK". So if someone sees this paper they are going to assume that this Jeanne person was so "BAROK". So barok ako?!? harhar...

It's such a shame that I don't really care what these people think about me. Because if I did, I should have the oppurtunity to lose some sleep over this which should help me lose a few pounds. darn!!!!

Frustration

2005-07-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

Right now, I should be trying to finish typing my mom's thesis for which she has given me a thursday deadline. But the thing is, if I was the sort of person who always did the things that she's supposed to, then my life wouldn't be as "interesting"[meaning: I wouldn't be wasting my time at a call center where I am being trained by an incompetent dimwit who cannot even use the word "chronologically" properly, thinks that the plural of postman is postmans, pronounces the word croquet as "cricket", and so on... and oh.. don't even get me started on the other almost-but-not-quite-trainer(because of his attendance record daw)... Aaaargh...] as it is right now.

What I'm actually doing is listening to the cds that my friend lent me. I had one of these cds before but I let this guy that I used to work with borrow it and the bitch, somehow, neglected to return it (eto lang ha... when you borrow something... sana lang you'd make an effort to return it. Kahet hindi ka kulitin nung taong nagpariham sayo na isauli kase kaya nga pina-HIRAM eh... hindi BIGAY!!!!).

Anyway, since I don't have the cd covers and since my brother is still on the phone so I can't use the internet, I have to listen to the songs and transcribe the lyrics manually.

Darn, why do songwriters have the power to express the things that are goin' on in your head in a much more powerful way? Why did God not make me into a writer?

"I'm just a mirror of a mirror of myself
all the things that I do
the next time I fall
I'm gonna have to recall
It isn't loveIt's only
something new"

"you can stand there and agonize
till your agony's your heaviest load
you'll never fly as the crow flies
get used to a country mile
when you're learning to face the path at your pace
every choice is worth your while"

"Well the world seems spent
And the presidentHas no good idea
Of who the masses are
Well I’m one of themAnd I’m among friends
We’re trying to see beyond
The fences in our own backyards
I’ve seen the kingdoms blow
Like ashes in the winds of change
But the power of truthIs the fuel for the flame
So the darker the ages get
There’s a stronger beacon yet"

"And I wish her insight
to battle love's blindness
strength from the milk of human kindness
a safe place for all the pieces that scattered
learn to pretend
there's more than love
that matters"

-- from the albums "Rites of Passage" and "Retrospective"

"Sana marunong ako mag-sulat
habang gumagamit ng mga malalalim na salita
'Di sana may outlet ako at hindi ako parang tanga...
Paulit-ulit na pinapatugtog ang isang kanta...
winawaldas ang oras sa pagdra-drama..."

Pwede na ba? hehe.

Masarap Mag-Filipino

2005-07-16T14:26:00.000+08:00

Gaya ng sinabi ko sa last blog ko nag-apply ako sa isang call-center nung Thursday. Sa sobrang tagal ng hinintay ko ay wala akong magawa kundi panoorin ang mga ibang applicants na nandoon din.

Question:

Bakit kailangan mag-english ng mga call-center applicants kahit nasa waiting area palang naman sila?

Ang alam ko kase wala namang kinalaman ang mga pinag-uusapan at paraan ng pakikipag-usap niyo sa waiting area kung matatangap kayo o hindi. Wala namang H.R. na nanonood dun at lahat naman ng tao dun ay nakakaintindi ng Filipino kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan mag-english.

Sila kaya ay nagpra-practice para sa interview?

Ok lang sana. Ala namang masama sa page-english. Universal language nga siya diba? (o math ba yung universal language? ewan ko.) Halata lang kase yung iba na gusto lang magpakitang-gilas eh. Buti sana kung talagang magaling... ang masakit (lalo na sa tenga) ay karamihan nang mga taong nag-iisip na kailangan nilang magpa-impress ay yung mga hindi naman talaga kagalingan.

Alam ko ang iniisip nyo ngayon: "Ang yabang naman nito. Kala mo kung sinong magaling!!!" Excuse me. Hindi ko po iniisip na magaling ako. Ang point ko lang naman kase ay kung alam mo nang hirap ka at hindi naman talaga kailangan eh 'wag mo nang pilitin. Nakakaawa lang kase pakinggan. Lalo na yung mga "trying hard" na makipag-sabayan sa mga amboy at amgirl (sorry po. hindi ko alam ang politically correct term para dito) na nag-aaply. Eh wala naman ibang masabi kundi "yah". Nagmumukha tuloy walang alam.

Parang yung mga tao na naririning ko date na ayaw mag-order sa Starbucks dahil natatakot sila dahil hindi nila alam ang pronounciation ng "frappuccino". Hello!!! Lahat kaya ng barista na nkita ko dito sa pinas ay marunong mag-filipino. Tsaka kaya nga may malaking menu dun eh. Di 'pag hindi mo mabasa eh di ituro mo nalang.

Job Hunting (Wala akong Maisip na title na mas appropriate)

2005-07-16T13:57:00.000+08:00

I applied for a job at a certain call-center last Thursday. Wow. Ang TAGAL. Sobra. Now this isn't the first time that I've applied for a job. So I'm sort of used to waiting to be interviewed but man... this really tested my patience. I got there at around 11a.m. and I was not interviewed until around 430pm. That was a 5 hour wait just for an Initial interview.

What the heck was taking so long? I always thought that for the most part all they do is check a person's communication skills anyway (during "initial interviews" at least). If it were up to me I'd just ask everyone to count from 1-20 and if I hear a person say "tree", "pive", or "tweynty" without correcting themselves, I'll send them home.

Dahil Wala Akong Pang-Load

2005-07-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

I was fooling around with my dad's phone a couple of minutes ago (shhh!!!!). I do this when I need to sneak in a text message or two. Of course, I had to get rid of the evidence so I went into the "outbox" to delete the message that I sent and I found this message:

"U guys at least make this exercise in futility that we call life more dn bearable. hehe, drama ko no? Sori : ) Anyway, thx for listening or should I say reading? gudnyt :)"

Ang drama mo talaga!!!! Who da hell wrote this message? Parang malapit na mag-bigti. Harhar. Hmmm... Only 3 people use my dad's phone to text. That would be my dad, josh, and me.

My dad never writes text messages this long, so he's out.
Josh is a the king of drama and "senti" stuff in this household but I've never heard my brother use the word "futility" in his entire life so that leaves... oh shit.... this was me???

I can't believe I used to talk or write like this. What the heck was goin' on with me when I wrote this?

Lemmethink... Because I used "u guys" would mean that I sent this to more than one person (group text ba?) and that I sent this to my friends. Now based on the fact that I sent this to my friends and also based on what I know of myself and what things usually made me feel this way a long time ago, I can safely assume that this message was composed during the aftermath of another train-wreck in my subconscious lab life (pweh!!!). In layman's terms: Nanaginip na naman ako na may pag-asa ko sa gagang kinalolokahan ko.

Haaay.... the stuff that goes on in you head whenever you get dumped (technically, I have never been dumped before. You have to belong to someone before they can throw you away. Right?) All I can do now is laugh at the things that I did then.

What's the point of this story? Wala. I just find it funny that this message is still in my dad's outbox since it has to have been at least 2 years since I wrote this message. Another funny thing is that I don't know the number of the person to whom this message was sent to so I'm wondering if somebody has "quoted" (hehe. how's redundant was that?) me.

"Love Song For No One" my Ass!!!!

2005-07-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

Why is it that whenever I tell people that I'm think I'm better off by myself their normal reaction would be to roll their eyes at me as if to say "Yeah, right."? Why don't they believe me?

When I think about it I've always been by myself anyway. I mean I do have a bunch of friends that I absolutely adore but whenever this statement comes up it is usually used in the context of having a "partner", you know, that "one person that makes you whole" type of thing. I've only been in love twice in this lifetime and in both instances neither of the two became my actual official significant other. I don't even have a best friend for crying out loud.

So why do most people think I'm full of shit whenever I say that I won't mind being single forever? When did having a girlfriend become a requirement for a life worth living? Don't get me wrong. I don't mind falling in love. It just so happens that things didn't exactly work out the past 2 times that I was in that sort of situation. But that is perfectly fine with me. I know for a fact that they are both happy now and I, surprisingly, am happy too.

Knowing that I have great people in my life has been and will always be more than enough for me. I may end up wanting a girlfriend in the (very, very) distant future but I WILL NEVER NEED ONE.

What Might Be Worse Than Hell...

2005-05-17T12:12:00.000+08:00

I was sitting on one of the benches in the ground floor of the UST main building in front of the bulletin boards waiting for my friends to come out of the bathroom when I noticed this poster in one of the bulletin boards. It said World Youth Day 2005 near the top a huge picture of John Paul II in the middle and at the bottom of the poster was a strip of masking tape that had the words "registration closed" written on it in blue ink. I really didn't think much of it at first. I figured maybe it was the poster for this year's World Youth Day and that they just haven't taken it down yet. And then I noticed the date on it. It said August. I suddenly felt sad. People were actually making plans to join JPII for this year’s world youth day and now he's gone.

I am not a devout catholic. I was baptized catholic and that's about it. I don't go to mass at all and I haven't even been confirmed nor do I intend on receiving that sacrament any time soon. Sorry. I just don't get organized religion. It's just too complicated. But even though I'm not one of his "faithful" followers I can't help but feel sad that he's not around anymore. Let's face it whether or not you believe in what the church teaches, you gotta admit that this was one heck of a guy. If anyone manages to accomplish the equivalent of even .05% of what he has done; it would be worth naming a national highway in this person's honor.

I remember somebody saying something interesting about the pope dying: "Now he'll know if everything he believed in is REAL."

This reminded of a conversation that I had with my friend Sheila back in high school. We were at Gate 7 waiting for our ride home and for some reason that I don't exactly remember we started talking about death and dying and what's the scariest thing about it. We both agreed that either eternal life or reincarnation would be cool but what if neither was true? What if we all just end up as worm food?

Ok. I know that I'm not supposed to obsess about this. There's no use being scared about something that you cannot do anything about. We are all going to go someday. I hardly ever think of how I'll eventually go (when I DO think about how I'll go, I figure it'd be lung cancer since I now smoke almost a pack a day, I think. Anyway, whoever invented the parenthesis was a damn genius because it allows me to put that in and even though it has nothing to do with the subject of the blog or wait a sec... shouldn't I be using a dash instead of a parenthesis... darn.... should've paid more attention during English writing class... these damn punctuation marks!!!) but I do think about what will happen after I die. Getting into Heaven would be great and going back for another try would be even better. Hell would be very painful but that's not even the worst that could happen. To me, the most dreaded thing that could happen is "nothing". It's like not existing. The only thing that I can think of that can best describe this is that it’s like passing out after drinking too much except that you do not get to dream while you're unconscious. Everything is an empty void and you don't even get to be aware that everything is an empty void because your consciousness doesn't exist anymore. A lot of people will say that as long as you were able to do something that is able to affect someone else's life in a positive way that nonexistence shouldn't be a big deal because you at least did something significant during your time here. Sure. Being remembered for affecting some positive change no matter how small would be great but here is the thing: The World and what happens to it is my favorite soap opera and I'd really love to know how all of this plays out.

It's like that thing about us earthlings eventually moving to mars. They say that in a hundred or so years that we might actually be ready to live in mars. Knowing that the average lifespan of human being nowadays is 82 years then, statistically speaking at least, it is highly unlikely that I will be alive when that day arrives. And if all awareness disappears when we die then I wouldn't even be able to witness it from afar. Wouldn't that just absolutely suck? Or maybe I just have way too much time on my hands... Aaaargh...

"I want my marbles back!!! @#$%*!!!!"

2005-05-08T16:39:00.000+08:00

"loosing your marbles" -- I have been thinking about this phrase or expression or whatever you call it all day. Why? Here's why:

I was looking for new objects for this the Sims 2(its a pc game. objects are things that they can put in their houses like chairs, tables, etc) Anyway a search lead me to a help forum about the game and I decided to read through some of the questions. Something very weird:

I found some people who were very desperate on finding out how to give their sims the Flu. ( There were actual posts that said "please help me I'm desperate")

Anyways for some reason I found this really funny and I started laughing out loud. My mom who was sitting on the bed behind me said "hoy, ba't tumatawa ka mag-isa?" I told her "wala lang" and then she said "bka kse naloloka ka na di pa namen alam"

So ever since she told me that I kept thinking of "loosing my marbles" and how great a movie line it could be (how my brain came up with this I do not know. Maybe my mom is right. I might be going nuts!!!)

Anyways I have come up with a couple of scenarios where this line can be used in a movie.

Scenario #1 (corny as in CORNY talaga)

Guy falls "madly" in love with this girl, girl runs away leaves him without a clue where she's going or why she even leaves. he goes nuts. goes through hell and high water to find the girl and when he finally does find her she asks him "whaddahell d'ya want?" he say's "I want my marbles back, bitch!!!"

Scenario #2 (eto mala "you complete me" or "you had me at hello" corny)

Some poor shmuck falls head over heels, they get together but the other person keeps cheating and lying till finally the guy/girl decides that he/she cannot take it anymore because the other person is driving him/her nuts confronts the other person all teary eyed and say's "I've already given you my whole heart, I can't afford to give you my marbles too."

Do any of you think either or the two could be a hit? hehe :p I didn't think so.

Autistic and Apathetic Me

2005-05-08T16:10:00.000+08:00

My friend Tupe was telling me about her adventures or should I say misadventures about this certain girl. Funny thing is I used to be inspired when I hear stuff like this. Now all I could tell her was that I could not imagine ever being that "dedicated" to a potential babe ever again. Its just not in me anymore. I used to feel actual physical pain whenever someone I like very much did not like me back. Now the only time that I can even find someone remotely attractive is when I am inebriated.

Its not that I have given up on or have stopped believing in "love", It's just that of all the things that are NOT going on in my life right now, not having someone to "love" is something that I'm fine with. They've always said that I was a little autistic. So I'm supposed to live in my own little world. Therefore, not meant to be part of a pair or something like that.
Its not that I have given up on or have stopped believing in "love", It's just that of all the things that are NOT going on in my life right now, not having someone to "love" is something that I'm fine with. They've always said that I was a little autistic. So I'm supposed to live in my own little world. Therefore, not meant to be part of a pair or something like that.

My very wise friend Tupe tells me that I just haven't found the right person yet. harhar!!! We'll see....

New Year... same old...same old...

2005-01-07T03:16:00.000+08:00

it's 2005. New Year. Funny didn't even feel christmas this year and now it's like almost a week has passed and the fact that it's a brand new year is just starting to sink in. So whats new with me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am jobless again. Funny thing is I don't know whether to feel happy or sad about this fact. I hated it there. I mean I did find a few very good friends by working there but I hated just about everything else. I am extremely happy that that part of my life is over but the downside is that I am poor again. But what the heck, I've always been poor so I'm used to it by now. What sucks is that nothing has changed. I am still bored as hell. I got together with a couple of friends last dec 30 and why the hell does it seem like everybody else is having the time of their life except me. Aaargh.

Trying won't hurt. Right?

2004-12-31T08:40:00.000+08:00

Well here it is... my first attempt at blogging. It is kind of funny that I am doing this because if you know me at all you would know that I don't like to talk much. I usually just listen and respond to other people. Finding things to write about would be the obvious challenge in this situation. Well here goes nothin...